Jesus said recently:
“Each person is responsible for what they contribute to humanity in terms of thoughts, words, and actions.
“To each individual, this challenge will manifest in a way that will push you to a higher level of love and choosing love rather than moving into other types of energy.
“No matter what you have done in the past, you can now raise up your contributions to a level of healing, rather than breaking down. This is your choice in every moment, and I continue to hope that as the lightworkers lead the way, they will show others how to do it, just by example.” (1)
His words form a useful subtext to the work I’m doing at the moment.
I’m burrowing deeper and deeper into the constructed self, seeking to unveil and release the natural, normal self.
At times, it almost feels as if I can’t keep up with the unravelling of one 3D pattern of behavior and the simultaneous coalescing of another 5D pattern to take its place.
Love replaces confrontation, for instance. A quiet mind replaces strategic manipulations (aberrant behavior).
I’m seeing the unravelling of my confrontive and offensive patterns simultaneous with the rise of a quiet mind and a loving heart. And seeing that emerge, largely through guidance I’m sure, has brought with it a certain body of experience, knowledge, and memories.
But now I’m beginning to have different recollections. I’m now being given memories of the mentors I had in a seemingly-unrelated field – generosity – people like Uncle Herman, Uncle Tip, Irvine Gear, Mrs Duncan, Paul and Frani.
The memories of a generous attitude combine with the experience of a quiet mind and a loving heart. I feel more stable now, as if three strands of character have been restored to my awareness.
A quiet mind, a loving heart, and a generous attitude: Who says I haven’t gotten my marching orders? I think this is the formula for successful social interaction in the arena of humanitarian philanthropy and I get to try it on and test it out.
***
I’ve been “misdiagnosing” myself for months now and I need to stop. Misdiagnosing has consequences. What we believe, we see.
I’ve been calling myself “forgetful.” I am forgetful, but that’s just a side effect. What’s really going on is that forgetfulness is a result of the quiet mind I’m experiencing. Forgetfulness is an affliction but a quiet mind is a great blessing. I’m willing to accept the price if I need to.
A quiet mind resides in the present moment, the here and now. For as long as it persists, it resides in conscious awareness, not in unconscious awareness. Ordinary, everyday consciousness usually resides in unconscious awareness.
Transformative love, bliss, and joy also reside in conscious awareness. These spaces are higher dimensional; what dimension, I’m not sure.
***
In some ways my life has gotten more difficult and complicated since I accepted Archangel Michael’s challenge to eliminate all confrontational and aberrant behavior from my interactions with people.
One of the actions it requires of me is that I hang up my weapons, my repertoires, my threat displays, so to speak, and become defenceless.
And, as a defenceless and therefore vulnerable person, I feel afraid now. I actually feel it. I tremble when danger looms instead of welcoming it, in my confrontational days. I feel the fear now that the threat display was designed to protect me from.
I could never understand what people meant when they said that fear underlies anger. How can that be? Where there’s anger, there’s no fear. I always used anger to banish fear and thought I’d been successful.
But now I see the matter plain as day. My threat display was there so I never had to feel afraid. It provided camouflage behind which my fear lurked. I now have experiential knowledge of the matter and I’m convinced. My anger lies over top of my fear.
Sooner or later, my anger number would be up. I can’t take it with me. Or fear, for that matter. I must now experience these temporary phases to their completion, just like any other vasana-born condition.
That will leave me defenceless but unafraid. Hmmmm…. Before the fact, I can’t imagine what that would feel like. I can’t see what lies ahead. After the fact, I’ll claim there was a thread and that I always saw it! You watch.
***
My task at the moment becomes, as Michael said, to “stand back and observe.” Not observe others. but observe myself. Observe my moods and feelings, thoughts and desires. Eventually learn to flow with them, when I feel in touch enough to let go.
Hilarion put the task at hand in his Jan. 2017 message:
“‘The Way’ is to find wholeness within one’s being. This is what ‘The Way’ is all about. It requires one’s focus and dedication. It requires one to have the motivation to be a responsible individual, to use their power, their spiritual power, their personal power, their soul power in an enlightened manner, in a way that does not cause harm to anyone or anything upon the planet on which you have chosen to incarnate for a higher purpose in service to the Light, in service to the higher dimensional reality of Prime Creator.” (2)
The Arcturians said quite a while ago that I (and other lightworkers) would need to master every thought and feeling. I can see that. Granted it becomes clearer the further on we go, I’m feeling the need to master my thoughts and feelings now. It’s becoming a requirement even if I’m not that far along the road as of now.
So I need to feel the fear associated with feeling defenceless and vulnerable. It’s probably no different for a soldier who voluntarily lays down his or her arms and thereby becomes defenceless and vulnerable. It’s no different for any woman being threatened by a man. It’s no different for thousands and thousands, if not millions, of children in our world.
And now I get to feel it.
***
Fear is only somewhat closer to my natural self than anger. I’m still not at my destination yet – sahaja, the natural state.
Since I’m not in my natural state, there has to be more to go. I know, intuitively, that there’s an end to fear.
Now when I feel fear, it’s a raw, immediate experience. The last time I felt fear like this was before my Dad yelled at me from close quarters. After that I was just numb. Ending fear in this lifetime is next. But this time I have to end it by experiencing it through to completion, standing back and observing myself.
That doesn’t say that there won’t be more layers to go through before I strike gold (or you do). Anything temporary, I’m certain, will melt before the dissolutive power of awareness.
As my meditation teacher said many times, until everything temporary is gone, remain aware, remain aware, remain aware.
Footnotes
(1) “JESHUA (JESUS) – THE BIG CHALLENGE OF 2017,” through Marlene Swetlishoff, Jan. 2017 at https://www.therainbowscribe.com/bigchallengeof2017.htm.
(2) Hilarion, Jan. 2017, at https://www.therainbowscribe.com/hilarionjanuary2017.htm