When you betray yourself, you are trading a part of yourself in order to be loved and accepted.
No one wins. It’s not worth it.
And what you get in return is never really fulfilling.
When you betray yourself, you set yourself up to be betrayed.
As human beings, we carry a deep underlying fear: “If you know who I really am, you won’t love me.”
And if I am fully myself, you won’t accept me.
So we learn to hide, we pretend, and be who we think others want us to be in order to be loved. We conform to what others expect, and we often end up compromising our real truth in the process.
It’s a very high price to pay and never worth it. What you think that you will gain will never replace what you lose in the process: a vital part of yourself.
Even if we do get love by betraying a part of ourselves, it never satisfies.
Deep down we know that it isn’t real. Since we are being loved, not for who we really are but for who we are pretending to be.
Growing up as children, we often experience being loved conditionally.
We are told:
If you are a good boy/girl or behave a certain way, then I will love you.
As children, we learn who and how we think we need to be in order to get love.
As adults, in the drive to get love, we often end up making choices that do not serve or honor us. We end up doing things in order to be loved that cause us pain.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, betraying yourself is painful.
So, what ways do you betray yourself?
– Perhaps in your intimate relationship with your partner?
– Staying in a job that goes against what you really believe?
– Every time you say “Yes” when you mean “No.”
Often we are not even aware of the ways that we betray ourselves, until we feel angry, sad or depressed.
Know that the anger isn’t bad. It’s simply a signal that we need to pay attention to. It is feedback that we haven’t been listening to ourselves.
Often we will project that anger towards another person for betraying us. But deep down we are really angry at ourselves for not honoring ourselves.
So:
– Acknowledge the ways you betray yourself.
– Feel the pain of your self-betrayal.
– Take responsibility for your choices.
– Forgive and bring loving to yourself.
– Commit to you honoring yourself.
– Stay aware moment to moment and make new choices.
How can we expect another person in our lives to honor and respect us if we don’t give that to ourselves.
To love and accept yourself exactly as you are is the foundation of self-love.
This is unconditional love.
It’s not about waiting until you have worked out all of your issues, and becoming a perfect human being. It’s about loving yourself exactly as you are right now.
The more you love yourself, the less you will need it or seek it from people outside. Either you give love to yourself in a healthy way, or you will seek it outside in unhealthy ways that cause you suffering.
As you love yourself, you will no longer need it from the outside, and the stronger you become within. Then, the easier it is to NOT betray yourself and make self-honoring choices.
Love yourself and set yourself FREE.
Set yourself FREE and love yourself!
Love.Now
Kute
“How to STOP Betraying Yourself and Start Loving You”, by Kute Blackson, March 18, 2015 at https://kuteblackson.com/blog/
Original link: How to STOP Betraying Yourself and Start Loving You