You’ll have to forgive me for a very long share today. But I’ve had so much internal work to do in the last twenty-four hours that I need to share at length if I’m to emerge from the chaos that seemed to reign externally and internally yesterday.
You’re welcome to pass over this share but I don’t feel I have the luxury of not sharing. I need to get clear of the debris of so much chaos.
I’m aware that messages have pointed to the Aug. 22-25 period as predictably tough but I had no idea of how tough. I have no insight into matters such as Grand Sextiles. I have to go on how I feel inside. That’s my only reliable barometer. And how I felt inside was about as stressed and stretched as I have ever been.
A sequence of events bombarded me and required me to fall back and take stock again. From your emails I think it bombarded many of you too. We all of us seemed to be searching for answers yesterday.
The financial pressures on the team are immense and we continue to hold the faith that relief is in sight. All the stops and starts behind the scenes with the new economy have been stressful. I’m at my wit’s end on matters of survival and simply meeting each day as it comes. So that’s the background of pre-existing stress, you might say.
There were also several vituperative attacks on the Light, lightworkers, and the Company of Heaven. There were also attacks on me personally.
And delving much deeper into events in Syria upon the announcement that the President was being watched to see whether he would invade Syria made a situation for me that was a baptism of fire. We seem to be on a flight through chaos at the moment. And the pressures are unforgiving.
I believe it can only have one end – attainment of peace and prosperity in our world. Nonetheless it’s an even noisier birth than I anticipated, even a week ago.
Now I’ve stretched your attention already and I realize it. But there’s more to go for me. Some readers may wish to stop here and I’d understand.
Vasanas shook loose in me with unanticipated outcomes. One was a wave of belligerence that came over me when I watched some of the videos of the real or staged gas attacks on Syrian citizens.
The simple sight of a civilian population attacked, whether it actually happened or not, whether it was a real event or not, proved triggering enough to loose a wave of anger in me that I could not stop.
I wanted to string the Illuminati and the dictators up. I wanted to whup whoever “the enemy” was. Everything that remained of nationalism, patriotism, and activism rose up in me and overwhelmed me.
I had to experience through the belligerence. I had to process the sadness at seeing such suffering in Syria. I ended up fusing a state of internal dividedness. I’ve only experienced such a thing once before in my life.
Having watched the videos of Syria, the various sides of me came together and decided the matter of peace for me. At last I had had enough of violence and war in my world. At last I wanted peace with my entire being.
I was wholly united, totally unified within myself on the question. I saw myself as a united citizen of the world. But the unity referred to was an internal state, not an external state. Unity is not present in the world at this moment – except in lightworkers, the Light and the Company of Heaven.
The stress propelled me to take responsibility for my world and come together as a call for world peace. Now experiencing, now taking a stand on myself, now taking a stand on my world, I gradually emerged from the inner chaos caused by the outer chaos.
I answered all the questions that arose. Did I want to tread the path of those who dismiss what is happening today? No. Did I want to tread a path that had me reject the Mother’s plan at the first felt circumstance of chaos and attack? No. Did I want to abandon the people who were working so hard to bring this planet out of the Dark Ages? No.
I feel both stronger and more vulnerable for the crushing experience yesterday was. I’m also weary to the bone and will need to take a day off to recover.
Perhaps the most lasting contribution that this series of events gave me was to send me back within myself to find myself again. I confess I cannot keep up any longer with the external news. A week from now the situation will be worse. There’s simply too much happening in our world for any one person to keep up with. It’s goodbye to trying to be the master of it all.
The work to be done requires me increasingly to rely on inner resources rather than external knowledge. Neither can that work be put off nor can my inner state be used as an excuse for failure, whether I keep up with the news or not.
There will be critics, no matter what. There will be challenging circumstances, no matter what. But now I see without a shadow of a doubt that, if I’m to keep moving forward, the only security, strength, and certainty will come from inside.
I’m going to reintegrate and continue mopping up the vasanas going off. I can only assume that others are going through the same struggle, whether financial, contextual, or experiential.
These are the best of times. These are the worst of times. But they are times we all need to get through somehow, emerging on the other side, ready to carry on.
Thank you if you stayed with me to the end. Thank you if you only read a portion. Having shared, I am again at peace and in my center, returned to Self.