Allen is reporting that he too feels a sense of completion and that he has been lightening his load for some time. It was interesting to hear from him and others that the sense of completion that I feel is more general than I thought. I have since seen others of the Company of Heaven discuss it as well.
The way Allen puts his preparations for Ascension is really inspiring.
I’m right there where Steve is as well, Andrea. It feels like a 57-year chapter of my life is ending, and I’m waiting for the next chapter to begin. Like reading a book, I have no idea what lies ahead. I just have to turn the page and see what’s there. I feel like I have nothing on my schedule, nothing on my agenda, no itinerary. No career. No long term, or even short term plan.
But more than that, it is a feeling of having arrived somewhere. My whole life I’ve known that the work I was doing was not what I came here for, not the big thing. I’ve always known I was here for something besides what I had experienced so far. I didn’t know what it was, and in our society that can be a discouraging feeling. Notice how many of us even in later years still joke about not knowing what we are going to do when we grow up. We know what we have been doing is not what we came for.
As for completion, I’m feeling that, too. My road has gotten much easier since it occurred to me to start selling the things I’ve been accumulating. I’ve been clearing and down-sizing for a long time, paring my load down to the things I thought I needed or loved, and getting rid of the rest. Well, I’ve accumulated a lot of items that I love over the years. And other people love them, too, because I’m generally getting more than I paid for most of what I’m selling.
I laugh sometimes to think of the things I’ve been hauling around for literally decades, that now someone in another part of the world is excited to receive. I’ve been scouring flea markets, antique shops, junk shops, old barns, etc, anywhere it looked like I might find some cool old stuff. I’ve really enjoyed that aspect of my life. When I went on a job in a new town, those were the places I checked out first.
Now, after all these years, I’ve reached the end of that road. I know I won’t need any of this where I’m going, and couldn’t take it anyway. I feel very drawn to clearing my space down to just the things I need to live with. So I’ve been going through my things, listing and selling them on eBay.
As you suggest, Steve, I’m viewing all this as part of the ascension. I’m seeing many things come full circle, but in a wondrous kind of way. For instance, 11 years ago I was on a job building a 17,000 sq. ft. house near Lake Tahoe. At Christmas, our boss gave us all a $300 gift certificate to a local tool store. I bought three tools, each roughly $100 each. I used them for 11 years, and have now sold those three for a total of $250. So I made $250 from a gift I have been using, 11 years later.
I now have a dive watch listed that I acquired in 1979. I didn’t buy it. I won it in a scuba club raffle. I actually won 100 gallons of gas, but traded it for the dive watch at our teacher’s little store. The watch sold then for about $365, but my price was $185, what 100 gallons of gas cost then. I wore that watch on every dive I ever made, but it has been sitting in my dresser drawer for the past 15 years. It doesn’t even run anymore, as the battery is dead.
I started the auction at $250, and I already have one bid. The reason our former Navy teacher chose that watch to carry in his store was 1) it was the watch the Navy Seals wore, and 2) it looks just like a Rolex. This is now an old school Navy Seal dive watch. I have no idea what I’ll get for it. But I’m just fascinated by the way I won this thing in a raffle 33 years ago, and am now selling it for more than it would have cost me to purchase it back then.
So many little items that have a real story behind them for me, things I loved, are now leaving me, and I’m happy about it. The feedback I’ve been getting has been a real pleasure, as people appreciate what they’re getting. Now I realize that all those items I was drawn to purchase not only gave me pleasure for many years, but they were also an investment. Without knowing it, I was stocking up the little store that is carrying me these last few miles.
Each one that goes out the door is a small completion, the end of an era for that particular thing. And depending on what it was, where I acquired it, who I was with at the time, how it was used – all of this feels like many little stories coming to their conclusion. There is still one item, probably the most valuable thing I own, which I am not thinking about listing yet. I don’t know if you can take a 1991 Fender 40th Anniversary Custom Shop Precision Bass into the higher densities, but I may try. 🙂
I know this has gotten long-winded, but I just wanted to let Steve know I’m right were he is talking about. I feel like all the various threads of this life story are all coming to a resolution. A good, almost magical resolution. I feel like I’ve completed a long, hard course, and now I’m well-rested and getting a little anxious to get on with the next one.
I’m truly loving every minute of my simple life these days. Watching this process unfold around me, and actually being a part of it, makes me so thankful for being here, for having finished the race, for being among those who are riding this big, beautiful blue ball into the Next Grand Adventure.
Allen