AAM has said to me that, when I’m about to say something he doesn’t approve of, he’ll give me a queasy feeling in my upper chest. Reader Bob seems to have this mechanism operative as well.
I agree that karma is quicker to visit us these days. Notice how Bob says he’s more aware of his self-righteousness now. I too am more aware of my many failings.
Karma is gone — mistakes will be dealt with immediately from here on
Yesterday evening my wife had CNN on as I joined her for a bit before going out to do the chores. The Cafferty file was on, and the question asked by Jack Cafferty and the responses upset me. I wanted to go to the computer and send Jack a note telling him what was wrong with his question and his biased selection of responses. A few months ago I would have done that. This time I dismissed the idea and went out and did my chores.
This morning the thought about that CNN segment came back. Again I dismissed the urge to give CNN a piece of my mind. It came back two more times — like how nagging things do with me. So I figured I should follow up on the nagging — that there was some reason behind it. Plus my full ego-self was involved by this time.
So I wrote my note to CNN explaining how things really are about an hour ago. I clicked on the ”send” button and was notified the message was ”sent.” I am not sure about ”received.”
Over the years I’ve tried to be a good consumer (one way to put it, ”busy-body” would be another) by letting people know that I spotted something wrong and thought I would tell the source of the wrongness about it so they might benefit from my wisdom.
This time it did not feel right at all. After I logged off, I was struck with a gut-feeling I’ve not had before — not intense pain but something equal to very bad pain in terms of MAJOR discomfort! Kind of how ”extreme-wrongness” might feel, but like I said, this was a new feeling. I know what shame feels like…this was much more intense on a deep, soul-like level.
It didn’t take long for me to realize what happened. My self-righteousness (that I would deny I ever had until now) was something I am not supposed to be hanging onto anymore — my body has grown out of that and it no longer serves me, even though my notes to certain people or groups over the years were not intended to seem righteous. Well, it turns out my ego wrote most of those notes, and he needed to feel righteous besides like he was performing an important civic duty.
Well, that’s over. The feeling I just worked through is a very powerful lesson I do not want to go through again. But then it isn’t really that bad (hindsight-wise) — it just feels awful for a little while…it is hard to describe but when it happens, trust me, you’ll know it.
The good news is, and I think this applies to all of us as of now, 2012 being NOW!…if we screw up we will be cued to fix things immediately, as in NOW! Like I just was. Oh, I am not sending another note to CNN apologizing. I just won’t be writing them anymore notes…period. When CNN screws up in the future, I will simply trust that the new life-energies will prompt them to figure out different ways of doing things, like the new energies just did with me.
So I am writing this because I truly think Karma is no longer something we will accumulate…as soon as it tries to attach, we will be prompted to do what is necessary to deal with it. All I can add is the ”prompt” is downright unpleasant but quick and to the point…I knew instantly that I did something contrary to my life-plan. What I cannot advise on is how long the discomfort lasts…my hunch is when it happens, you will react both correctly and immediately…I cannot imagine this lasting long as it really does hit hard and the awareness happens fast!
After going through what I just described, I am able to think of this as my life-plan being the same as ”here and now”…as I just learned — that my old ways are not going to work anymore, ”not now,” and the future for other people is going to have to be up to them. As soon as I recognized and admitted my mistake, (to myself), the awful feeling was over — the whole thing happened in a matter of seconds. So it surely looks like my new NOW is the best place to be — the least likely place I will bump into (my old) karma.