Resting in Inner Conflict

I had my first introduction recently to a situation which I can see will be a recurring one for me in the times ahead.

It came as a result of a working interview that I and a few friends had on Dec. 7 with Sanat Kumara through Linda Dillon. The content of the interview is not something I can give but what the interview raised for me is something I can speak about.

It’s somewhat hard to put the difficulty into words, but part of it may become plain by my simply introducing Sanat Kumara to those readers who are unfamiliar with him.

There is a fairly large literature on him because he serves humanity as what is called the “planetary logos” or simply “chief” or “boss.” One could say that he’s in charge of Ascension.

He’s been worshipped by the ancient Zoroastrians (today’s Parsis) as “Ahuramazda” or Lord of Light and Wisdom, by Biblical prophets as “the Ancient of Days,” and by Hindus as Skanda and Subramanya. Theosophists regarded him as the Lord of the World. So he has an aura of holiness and reverence about him.

But he himself is self-effacing. I asked Linda before the interview if a Kumara was higher or lower than an archangel and she said she was not sure. When he came into the interview he remarked that he places himself at the lowest rung of the ladder. And this self-effacingness, as well as a sense of humor, was characteristic of his speaking from that moment on. At one point he said he never ages and then paused and said, “At least I think I never age.” He was quite humorous as well as being the Lord of the World.

Simply by speaking to him I found myself in two spaces at one and the same time. Being with him evoked a sense of sanctity and reverence. Being with my friends evoked a sense of comradeship and humorous companionship. To which group did I belong? That was the initial form in which the difficulty presented itself to me.

The purpose of the meeting was to find out more about our missions. I can speak only about what relates to me and that in only a general way.

He discussed my own work with this site, the Bridge Project, as a communicator between the galactics and us, and as a gatekeeper towards the end of 2012. In the latter phase of things, I’ll be one among many who will, in a manner of speaking, be calling out to people and pushing them onto the train. “All aboard! Train’s leaving in ten minutes!”

I was to be the voice of reason before the third phase of the mission and then I was to be anything but reasonable.

At one point he said that I was also to serve as a person who told the Company of Heaven what it was reasonable to ask of us in Third Dimensionality and what not. And he said that he was aware, partly from what he had heard from me and partly from what he had been told, that I had done this in the past.

I have on a number of occasions asked the spiritual hierarchy publicly to help us organize our knowledge of the afterlife. I’ve complained to them that Oct. 14, 2008 was not nice (the galactics failing to show). And I’ve complained more recently that a lecture from Wanderer was not something I feel we should be getting. I can imagine what he may be referring to because at some level I’ve known that we can address the Company of Heaven directly and they will hear – and here was the proof.

His remark and others he said about his relationship with the group reinforced the difficulty I was experiencing.

All Starseeds who are here are here for a purpose. But what we may not realize is that many of us have been chosen for these roles by those who are in charge of the events occurring now. We also may not realize that as soon as we finish with these events, we’ll be off to another dimension to assist with events of a similar nature, happening either elsewhere, in different universes, or perhaps on higher dimensions.

This travelling show is something we do, our manner of serving.

Sri Ramakrishna once said of his helpers, “a band of minstrels suddenly appears, dances, and sings, and it departs in the same manner. They come and they return, but none recognizes them.” (1) We may not be Vivekanandas and Brahmanandas, but Starseeds are a band of minstrels nonetheless that travels with exalted ones on their missions in the universe. We set the table, entertain the guests, and clean up after everyone leaves. That’s our job.

For most of my life, the mention of the name “Sanat Kumara” has brought an unusual piquing of interest in me. My ears perk up. My attention is captured. I’ve never known why.

The same thing happens whenever I hear the name “Archangel Michael.” I automatically tune into the conversation and begin listening. I know why that is now because the Boss has told me about instances when he, I and many others (many of whom I would be willing to guess are reading this today) have travelled into what he calls “the heart of darkness” on various missions.

I don’t remember any of this but I do get a feeling of recognition in my upper chest, a kind of swelling of the chest as if before battle. Anyone who’s watched the first battle scene in Braveheart may know the kind of feeling of readiness and pride of effort that I’m describing. At some deep but unconscious place within myself I know or sense what’s being referred to.

Similarly when Sanat Kumara spoke, all that I planned to ask him or say to him vanished from my mind and I was simply present to receive his orders and anything else he wished to say. I had a long list of questions and I asked him none of them. I simply said, and I’m paraphrasing, “What do you wish me to do, Lord?”

The difficulty that arose was that I didn’t know at that moment who I represented, who I belonged to, who I should be speaking for. I was totally lost. There was on the one hand the sense that I belonged to Sanat Kumara, but I had no evidence of it, nothing I could point to. And there was the sense that I belonged to my fellow terrestrials, of which I had all the evidence in the world. Look here in my wallet – a birth certificate, driver’s license, etc.

Where do I belong? Who do I speak for? Who am I speaking to?

I experienced a real crisis of identity and I experience it yet. I know that the crisis will resolve itself at some point because he promised experiences that he said would be needed and I’m quite sure they’ll resolve it – whenever they come. But until then, I remain in a place of unknowingness as to who is family and who not, so to speak.

It may be that people of dual citizenship experience this dilemma. Or people of single citizenship still attached to their roots in another country. Whatever the case, at this moment I don’t know whose I am. I feel loyalty both to us here on Earth and to these two figures, Sanat Kumara and Archangel Michael.

So this is new to me, this sense of belonging to two groups and not knowing who I primarily represent and who I primarily am speaking to and for. I’m not going to fret about it for the moment. I’m going to proceed on the basis that loyalties and divisions and allegiances are themselves only products of a separative, dualistic Third-Dimensional mind that will be resolved in time.

I’m going to accept the discomfort and allow it to be there as a matter of cognitive dissonance that will be resolved by the discovery or emergence of a new paradigm of unity which has not yet risen in me. That new paradigm will encompass the two allegiances and dissolve or resolve them.

Thomas Kuhn described (2) how new paradigms in science emerge out of the resolution of cognitive dissonance. The new way of seeing things bridges, embraces or resolves the paradox or conflict by the seeing of a new context in which both elements fit. I can well imagine that the context for me will be an overarching unity and I welcome the flash of insight any time it wishes to present itself. In fact, I’m waiting on it, as we are on all things, to push me from inner conflict to inner resolution and peace.

If I simply hold the two apparently-conflicting or seemingly-exclusive allegiances in mind, without resisting, I’ll speed the process. The flash of insight will come. I know it will as it has in the past. Ah, I have lived many lives! Ah, enlightenment is the purpose of life! Ah, enlightenment is virtually endless!

Sanat Kumara spoke during the interview about how we can no longer wait to go through a process with things. Transmutation will now be instantaneous because we have no more time to lose. I’m willing to be the first guinea pig in any experiments around this!

Until that resolution comes, I’m content to feel the apparent conflict and allow it space. I’m convinced that this instance of inner conflict will be nothing compared to the tsunami of paradoxes we’re poised to experience with the coming of the star nations.