19:00 PDT. As I get ready to take myself out for some sushi, by way of taking my mind off the day’s events, I wonder to myself: what article might it have been? The one accusing Dick Cheney of treason? The one saying Khalid Sheik Mohammed is probably innocent? The one accusing the cabal of engineering the quake? Or the CIA of being behind the international drug trade? What a scrapbook of memories: Life at the Edge. I have to say this: If I wake up tomorrow on the astral planes and don’t even know how I got there, please believe me when I tell you: It was all absolutely worth it. I would do it all again. In fact, I probably will….
18:30 PDT. I continue to recover from whatever it was that happened this afternoon. In retrospect it felt like being hit by a bolt of lightning or strapped to an electric chair. I’m still exhausted but all other symptoms are subsiding. I’ll post minimally, after taking myself out for the moment for sushi … and maybe a carafe of sake. Yes, sake seems to be in order.
Thanks for all your notes about similar things (and some worse) that are happening for you. We will find our way home and, if Saul is to be believed, forget all this soon after returning to full consciousness. I can’t guarantee that I will finish the Saul piece by tomorrow. I may need to rest.
17:30 PDT. The conditions I was experiencing appear to have subsided as fast as they came upon me. I feel back to normal but exhausted. I may need to rest but then again I may not. I have no understanding of what is occurring at this time and only hope that I don’t look entirely like the village idiot. Meantime an email has come in from Suzy Ward and I do need to post it.
16:30 PDT. Ryan and BZ appear to have found and fixed the “add image” problem. Thank you to both of you.
I am presuming that this set of circumstances that is happening to me will lift and proceeding on that assumption.
16:00 PDT. Well, again, part of what seems to be occurring is an attempt to wreck the credibility of a lightworker. To discuss what is happening at the moment means to risk sounding like a bloody hypochondriac. But not to discuss it is worse because it risks it happening to someone else, with no one having a description of what is occurring. So I’m risking losing credibility for the sake of creating a public record.
Far from having gone for a long walk, I have instead slept since I wrote the first instalment of this article, awakened only by a phone call, going back to bed almost immediately.
The symptoms that I have are almost diabolical either for what they do or how they represent a person. One symptom is that my body is a mass of itchiness, which keeps me constantly uncomfortable. There is no rest from it.
A second symptom is that if I try to act on something, I encounter a response which is a kind of combination of an electric shock, plus a sense of almost feeling I will lose it, plus an inability to thread any number of words together. Interestingly I see I am able to write this at this moment, which makes no sense to me. But then none of it makes any sense.
A third symptom has been slowly increasing and that is that I’ve been having more difficulty in recent days remembering things, even things I have to do today – so not things in the distant future, but things that are happening in this “now” moment. I used to have a photographic memory and could tell you where on a page a quotation appeared. “A movement and a rest” – Gospel According to Thomas, p. 29, on this quadrant of that page. I now can’t remember that I arranged to meet so-and-so for dinner.
The combination is that I’m demobilized and only want to rest, and, when I rest, I toss and turn from whatever this itchiness is, and when I get up and act I’m demobilized and only want to rest again.
So perhaps you can see that what is happening appears to me maximally designed to reduce my performance to zero, reduce my credibility to zero, maximize my discomfort, and ensure that I’m taken out of action. I’m rendered mistake prone with the least possible ability to either explain myself or recover from a mishap. Nice. I look like a basket case, which is what I think this is all about.
And since all I can do in the face of it is stop, any attempt to represent myself as going forward in the fray is denied me. I consider the whole thing diabolical.
Anyways, all I can do at the moment is go back to bed and toss and turn some more. I cannot see what a “useful contribution” represents under these circumstances other than to keep reporting in.
I notice that probably none of this would show up on diagnostic instruments and much of it masks itself as the most banal of circumstances, such as a skin rash. Just like the commentators speaking gibberish. Who would ever look to some action taken by someone else under circumstances as mundane as these? And who would believe them?
After 9/11, we created a monster national-security state with people in all kinds of departments operating on black budgets creating heaven knows what. My aunt was used as a guinea pig by the CIA for tests of LSD in a Montreal hospital back in, I think, the Fifties. (1) People in Honduras were used to test some pandemic on. Others have been used as experimental subjects in nuclear explosions and biological warfare. TV commentators appear to be being targeted today. And I also feel that some outside influence is manipulating me.
I remember watching a video by Daniel Abrahamson (I think that was his name) at a conference in Texas (2) where he could not in three hours discuss all the new technologies that the national-security state had invented and were about to foist on the public. They had to drag him off the stage while he tried to get in one more description of one more new technology. And his final words were to do the research to know what was coming down the pike.
I believed him but I notice that his talk did not survive. I haven’t been able to find it on the net and I’ve lost so many computers that I no longer have a copy of it. But I do get a sense of what he was talking about.
But who would believe any of this and where is the proof? I’m not complaining. I don’t care in what capacity I serve. If it needs to be this way, then let it be this way.
13:00 P.M. PDT. I seem to be in a difficult situation at the moment. The only thing I can think of doing is to communicate about it.
Do you remember the videos I posted a day or two ago on TV commentators speaking gibberish? The commentators look fine. They seem to feel fine. But they cannot get their words out without speaking nonsense.
I’m afraid something similar is happening to me and in the face of it I’m having difficulty carrying on business as usual.
One minute I am fine and the next minute I am in the grips of a stress reaction.
Oftentimes if I set out to do something, like look into the difficulty I’m presently having with “add image” on WordPress or research an article, or even answer an email, this reaction begins and doesn’t stop until I cease what I’m doing. Then it stops and I’m fine again.
I suspect that I’m being toyed with by some unknown cabal technology but I have no way of proving it and must somehow carry on while looking like a complete idiot and being maximally unpredictable in what I do.
I notice that this comes at exactly the time when I should be hard at work covering a second earthquake in Japan. But in fact I cannot carry on, at least not with any predictability.
If I can post at all, I will. But I may not be able to. I may have to take some time off in the hopes that what has occurred will yield to R&R.
I’d like to think that the cabal has come up with a new technology designed to destroy the credibility of lightworkers by making them look like nutcases because that’s exactly what seems to be happening.
In the meantime, I apologize for having services at this site be rendered unpredictable.
It’s unlikely that I will be answering email for a while, though I may read those that seem directly on topic.
If this is an attack by the cabal, I regard this kind of difficult situation as coming with the territory of being a lightworker, facing an opponent who has all technology at their fingertips and no scruples.
Namaste,
Steve
PS. I notice that I’m getting easily 2-300 spam a day via the site’s contact form and that certain functionality on the site is inoperable, which heightens my suspicion that I and the site are under attack.
Footnotes
(1) Amy subsequently sent this email: “Your aunt must have been in the Allan Memorial (part of the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal where i grew up) under Dr Cameron in the 50’s or 60’s. It was a terrible misuse of power and caused terrible irreparable pain to many who were under his care.” Yes, the very project, Amy.
(2) Its initials were also “PNAC” though it wasn’t the Project for a New American Century.