Some are doing well; some not as well as they’d like. For some the honeymoon ended at some point and the return to reality was abrupt and dismaying.
Don’t give up hope and don’t, in shock and despair, throw your partnership over.
That’d be like coming up from the deep too quickly: it’d cause the bends. And it may not be necessary, no matter how dismayed you initially feel.
As a result of what folks have been sharing, I’d like to make some comments and suggestions in a general way, if you’d kindly permit me. It’s gonna sound like I have my Therapist’s hat on. Please forgive me. I consider the topic important.
(1) May I suggest, first off: Perhaps don’t try to “fix” your partner. No one is broken. That’s an old paradigm notion. And the mere suggestion that we consider them to be is probably a little offensive.
We’re here to support each other, cheer each other on. All of us are emerging and so what didn’t work today may very well be gone tomorrow (certainly after the Tsunami of Love).
Rather than trying to “change” another or tell them what they “should” do, I prefer to share my practice.
I might say, “Well, I prefer to eat unbleached flour, whole wheat and seven-grain bread (I actually like sourdough). But you do as you wish.”
I’ve made recommendations and demands on others. Hasn’t worked. Never works. Give it up, Steve.
(2) Listen to each other. Let go of the advice. Everyone only wants to be heard. And listened to long enough, they’ll reach the solution (the puzzle will become a picture). And it’ll all be organic and perfect for them.
Listen and then mirror back your understanding of what you heard so that they know you got it. Feedback or mirroring is foolproof because, if you didn’t get it, they’ll correct you.
Then you’ll have gotten it and they’ll know you’ve gotten it. At this point, they usually pass on to the next piece of the puzzle.
After you’ve finished listening, listen some more. And some more. Never stop listening. Listening is the greatest gift that people can give.
(3) Consider some of the growth movement’s ways of communicating. Don’t force them on your partner but perhaps try them out yourself.
(a) Call yourself on your own stuff. Don’t wait for others to do it. “I’m acting like a jerk because I feel hurt by something you said the other day.”
(b) If someone calls you on your stuff, try it on. Test it out. See if it fits. If it does, own it. “Yes, I do stupid things like that.”
(c) Share a withhold. Share something that’s killing your aliveness that you’re holding back. But share it with non-blaming, neutral language. “I gossiped about you the other day and said I was mad at you for pranging the car.”
(c) Refuse to sidebar or gossip and excuse yourself from listening to any sidebarring and gossiping. Sidebarring means talking about someone behind their back and to someone else instead of keeping it between you and the person concerned.
Obviously you don’t know someone is about to sidebar beforehand. But after they do, simply tell them “I’d rather not go there, if you don’t mind.”
(And yes, therapeutic discussions are OK.)
(d) Express your love – through words, hugs, hand-holding. Don’t hold back on letting the other person know you love them.
(e) And when someone says they love you, perhaps don’t reply with the formulaic “I love you too.” Thank them for sharing that. Tell them you’re so glad or so happy they love you.
(f) Own your thoughts and feelings. Rather than saying “You are,” which is almost never true, put yourself in the picture. Perhaps say, “I think of you as,” “My feeling is,” “I see you as,” “I have this fantasy that you….” Most of our ideas are fantasies anyways, so we’re not too far wrong.
(g) Talk in terms of stands, declarations and promises when needed. Make it clear where you stand. Declare yourself. Reveal yourself. Tell them what can be expected of you. Be clear.
(4) Remember the honeymoon may end, the passion subside, and when it does the water in the river will go down and expose the rocks.
Sri Ramakrishna used to say that, after you take a dip in the Ganges (experience enlightenment), when you come back out, the crows (the vasanas) are waiting there and begin cawing again almost immediately.
After the passion subsides, you still have your issues and upsets to deal with and the sight and sound of our issues could be shattering for people who were so much in love. The loss of the passion can also bring loneliness. To go from passionate to disagreeing can be a very difficult transition.
And it can scare some people into deflecting attention by suddenly finding things wrong with their partner. It can induce them to test you, to find out whom they may be ending up with. All kinds of fear responses can come up when the passion subsides.
(This is the best time to source or complete whatever vasana (a reaction pattern triggered by events from our ancient past) may have been triggered. There’s an extensive literature on sourcing our old issues here: http://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/on-processing-vasanas/. A vasana cannot be completed until it’s up so rejoice that yours is!)
Take extra-special care of each other at this time. Hold each other and recognize that, until the Tsunami hits, the highs will probably not last forever.
Remember that a lot of people, thinking they’re now in sacred union, believe that all will be a bed of roses. Not that I’m aware of. The work continues until the events in our near future lift us above it. But that time is not yet.
The work begins now. But also new forms of satisfaction and pleasure.
(5) Create the form of your relationship that works for you. Archangel Michael has already said that relationship will take new forms.
“[The form of today’s sacred unions] is more mission-driven than simply an ideation of what a partnership or a marriage is about. This notion — and it has been a human notion, and we could spend a great deal of time talking about how the power structures of union and marriage have evolved and shifted — but these unions do not require a set form. And that is new. It is original. It is how it is on this side. It is how it was in the very beginning.
“But there is a decision between the two souls on that form, depending on what you are working on, what you are achieving, what you are dreaming, what you are creating, how you are playing.
“And then the form follows the creation and the desire, rather than setting the form and then making everything fit the form. That is how you ended up with institutions that don’t work. So, you aren’t repeating that error. You have grown.
“And the form that these partnerships will take, or can take, by choice, will shift and morph, again, depending on what you are dreaming, what you are desiring.
“But the key to this is freedom, complete liberation, and the acknowledgment, not in lip service, but on the deepest soul level, of the freedom of the person that you are joining with, the sanctity — yes, the sanctity! — of their path, of their choices, of their desires, of their decisions. So there is no push and pull. It is the ebb and flow. It is the infinity. It is the tide.” (1)
Don’t pass by that last paragraph too quickly. I’ll be writing about it later. He’s telling us how to live as sacred partners (or sacred friends). He’s describing to us the new way of life, the paradigm of the Fifth Dimension. That paradigm is flow – the ebb and the flow, the tide, the infinity sign. (2) But let me leave that for now.
Maybe you don’t want to get married. Maybe you don’t want to have children. Maybe you don’t want to live with someone but still have a relationship.
Perhaps you want Relationship Lite. Everything’s negotiable. All is up for the choosing from here on in.
Jesus said the residents of Heaven don’t marry. “Heaven” was Christ’s name for the Mental Plane, the Fifth Dimension, where we’re headed. (Yes, he was speaking about Ascension even back then.) Ascended beings don’t marry, as far as I’m aware. That doesn’t mean they don’t have sacred and committed partnerships.
We’ve been invited to be creative and leave behind old forms that don’t work for us. That doesn’t mean we can avoid such things as human nature or the laws of the land, but it does mean we have choices. And it should result in an easing of the feeling of constraint and a releasing of appreciation and love.
(1) “Archangel Michael: I See You! I Love You! I Will Engage, Nov. 8, 2013, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2013/11/notes-from-archangel-michaels-discussion-of-sacred-partnership/.
(2) Archangel Michael often says to sacred couples that their love should flow back and forth to each other like the infinity sign.