I’m in the midst of a realization, though taking the time out to record it may end it, for now.
It began when I noticed, in meditation, that I could at that moment simultaneously access all the moments in my life when I felt transformative love, bliss, joy, and all the other divine qualities.
It was as if, when I breathed in and out, a wind would pass through me containing a mixture of all these good things, rather than just one of them at a time.
And then I realized: I could see, at this moment, no natural, internal barriers. I have no barriers to any of my previous experiences – with lovers, on travels, on projects. I can access them all, at one and the same time.
At this moment, I have no categories, no classifications in my mind. It’s as if I’ve had a complete memory wipe.
I have no walls separating things. All are at the same time available to me now.
The sensation this presents is utterly new to me. I must have been a stickman or a robot before. Logical and linear are kind words to use. Mechanical and automatic might be more appropriate.
The next moment later, I got that I’m now ready to flow. Flow for me is one of the paradigms of the Fifth Dimension; bliss would be another.
Let’s see if I can recover the experience….
I feel completely cleaned out. I would never have thought such a thing was possible. It’s as if every structure within me has been leveled and the wind whistles through now, without obstruction. The metaphor of the hollow bamboo is appropriate.
My breath is easy and continuous. I’m reminded of a full breath release I had at a rebirthing workshop, immediately before my 1987 vision. (1) I haven’t had a breath release today but my breathing is at least in part like that. Easy, full, without obstacle.
I again feel bliss as a flow, rather than as a static state I happen to be in. I almost lose myself in it at this moment. Now I’m willing to lose myself, where before I wasn’t. Whatever it was that had me hold back has now been removed. To look at what it was would remove me from the experience. I’ll do it later, if I need to.
The fall of the internal barriers removes my only cause for concern. There are now no structures threatened, nothing to defend, nothing to promote.
My sense of myself grows more tenuous by the moment. I must go back to the experience….
I’m completely empty at this moment. Well, empty of any mental or emotional baggage that is, any unfinished business, vasanas, core issues, or any issues at all. At this moment. There’s no telling what the next moment will bring. And only Sahaja – a permanent heart opening – is lasting.
With no memory, no mental activity, and no internal barriers, there’s nowhere else to go but into the moment.
I feel mildly curious about this state, as a person would if camping out in the wilderness. I’m nursing a hot chocolate around a campfire, in the dead of night.
The mixture of divine qualities that I was experiencing a while ago has become a homogeneous … oh my heavens, how to find the words. I can’t. It has consistency. It has substantiality. It’s a mellower form of bliss than I’m used to. Substantial, mellow, homogeneous bliss.
This spiritual current of bliss caresses me like a warm summer night’s breeze. I feel secure in it. Lost and gone forever are my concerns. Well, for the moment, that is.
My breathing has never been as gentle or soft. The lack of internal barriers allows it to be so. When it’s soft, I’m soft. The mood that I feel right now I’d have to call sacred, sanctified.
All of this together – no internal barriers, the hollow bamboo, emptiness, and softness – combine to make this experience sublime and sacred.
So right, so appropriate, so natural.
(1) I used to compare the difference between ordinary breath and the breath after a full release as being the difference between the traffic flow on a country road and on an eight-lane highway.