Note: As of today, I’ll be leaving off actively cultivating the transformed space. I’ve fallen into craving it and worrying when I’m not in it, all of which calls for a measure of detachment.
I’m heedful of Archangel Michael’s comment that I could visit the higher states but I couldn’t stay there. I had a very pleasant visit and a preview of what awaits all of us.
I’m turning my attention again to editorial matters on the ground, most importantly the provision of book-length studies of some of the matters we’re watching, for the newly-awakened.
It’s taken me all this time to see that relationships really are a negotiated reality. I often assume that they’re not – that people have to like me, etc. – and it just isn’t true.
If people don’t like the way they feel around me, they won’t want to be around me. And how I feel about the situation is irrelevant. Surely I know these things, having been a bona fide difficult person for the greater part of my life.
What I’m seeing more and more each day is that my job is really not to do battle with people, but to see that people around me succeed. (What “success” means is of course up to them to decide.)
No, not succeed materially. That power doesn’t lie with me. Succeed at a deeper level than that – at the level of spiritual currency. Happiness, love, joy, bliss, ecstacy, peace – whatever spiritual currency they want from that heavenly treasure chest the Mother holds out to us – my job is to see that they have the best possible shot at it.
Meanwhile I’m seeing relationships start up around me and they seem to follow a predictable pattern. Two people meet and fall in love. They quickly and increasingly open up to each other, their love expanding and their progressive disclosure about themselves deepening.
They confess their vasanas (or core issues) but then forget that they did. Often they’re asking for mercy when it might be better to ask for help in getting through their vasanas. It may not occur to them to meet the situation head on by promising not to project their vasanas on their new flame into the old fearful figure they retain in memory from past relationships (I do this too!). With the first disagreement, they begin turning the new into the old.
Committed speaking is an important tool in keeping one’s vasanas out of one’s new relationship but few people seem to know how to use it or do use it if they know how.
Making promises, taking a stand on oneself, revealing oneself, sharing withholds, telling the truth harmlessly but without careworn thought for the relationship’s survival – these are aspects of committed speaking. Committed communication has the power to cut through the confusion and hesitancy that arises with “ordinary” communication.
Even if one person has the foresight to take a stand on themselves, make promises and in other ways bind themselves to behavior that won’t offend but empower, if the other person doesn’t join them, the first person often gives up after a while and rests in hopelessness. I certainly know I’ve done that.
When the couple hit their first serious disagreement, they either make it through or they don’t. If their vasanas are too serious, the new partner simply gets slotted into the place held by the old partner and the struggle with one’s vasanas or core issues begins all over again. It’s as if we take up with our new partners where we left off woth our old partners after our first serious disagreement.
All the glamor and wonderment of the first weeks or even months of unimpeded love falls away. None of the fine words spoken are remembered. Mission, purpose, past lives – all of it flies out the window with the first fight.
The battle is rejoined and what was then bliss now becomes the same old resist, resent, revenge.
Few people seem to want to acknowledge that they have vasanas (or core issues). Fewer actually know how to process them.
Most relationships limp along and then succumb. And both parties are filled with regret but utterly ignorant of how or why the collapse happened.
A lot of the reason for failure traces back to the density of the Third Dimension. I can say that now, having seen and spent time in a less dense, transformed space. The density works against us feeling love, having insights that would show us the way around our upsets, or feeling released and complete. At least the density factor is easing.
Unless at least one of the two people experiences transformative love, then both people usually end up seeking love from each other, rather than from their own hearts. I hate to say this, but, just as most people won’t admit they have vasanas, so most people also claim that, yes, they know what transformative love is and, yes, they feel it. But I think that very few people do. It just isn’t a common experience – yet. It eventually will be.
Earlier I called the kind of love we usually feel “ordinary” love. In ordinary love, what we feel flees in the face of any strong emotion like anger, resentment, jealousy, etc. In transformative love, these feeling states flee before the love.
In ordinary love, we come from the belief that we get the greatest part of our love from another. Thinking that way, when it’s our own heart that’s the major source of love for us, leads to major dysfunctionality. We cajole the other person, seduce them, and manipulate them to “get” love from them. When we don’t feel love, we blame them for not giving it to us. That picture doesn’t fit reality and so it can never lead to fulfilment … or love.
Without at least one person having excess love (that comes from drawing it up from the wellspring of our own hearts) and without at least one person knowing that it comes from their very own heart so that they’re not seeking it from the other, there’ll be no one who’s carrying the show.
Both people will be seeking sustenance from each other when the bounteous wellspring lies within. It’s like two people unknowingly sitting on boxes filled with gold coins and thinking they don’t have enough money to buy food.
The one who hasn’t found the wellspring of love in their own heart can reflect back the transformative love coming their way, in a much weaker manner of course, but the relationship collapses when the one beaming out love hits a dry patch.
Then the transformative love of the one and the reflected love of the other both dry up. The reflecting one can get angry, without knowing why. The two fight, without knowing why. And things fall apart.
Usually I was the one not being able to take up the ball and run with it (and not knowing what was going on). But more recently it’s been me carrying the ball and seeing things from the other perspective. I now get what people had to go through relating to me.
Living within a 3D belief system, the best we can hope for is image management and interest from others, rather than the bounty of love from our own heart. We want to look a certain way. We want our partner to see us in a certain light. We may posture and practice our lines to “look good.” We construct a version of ourselves that we sell to others. There’s nothing deep, real, or nourishing in this way of proceeding, as far as I can see.
Even though these efforts don’t work to bring us satisfaction, we keep doing them. Nicer clothes, fitter bodies, more attention to personal care … on and on the activities go as we package ourselves for maximum effect.
A more general experience of transformative love will, I believe, make many of our relationship difficulties disappear and the rising of the energies guarantees that outcome. Our attention on our image, script and constructed self will drop away. And what we’ll want more than anything else is someone to love, rather than someone’s love.
We’ll want to enfold the world within the embrace of our empowering love. We won’t care what we get in return, although having our love received and even returned would be a welcome surprise. But not necessary because we’re being fed by an inner spring.