Here are some examples of changes I’m going through. I seem to be needing an unusual amount of space. Lots of cave time, alone time. Gone are any thoughts of loneliness. This feels like I need it.
Also, I seem to poke my head through to at least the transformed space on most days, usually in the early afternoon, but in a completely unpredictable – and uncontrollable – manner each time.
One day it’s a thought of the beloved. The next day it’s a taste of universal love. Another day it’s reading the life of a saint. Still another day it’s reading about sacred geometry. Every day it’s different.
Another change: I seem to have my sense of humor back. I seem to be taking myself not nearly as seriously as I have. Sometimes not at all. And life seems to go so much easier for it.
Something has shifted in this area which I can’t put my finger on. Some logjam has burst. Some area of my tremendous resistance to life has disappeared.
I get to see that the reason things weren’t going easier up till now was … me.
Maybe it’s related, but I’m relaxing more these days. Yes, me, relaxing. The words don’t seem to belong together, do they? I must have lost it.
My wife used to say that I had enough energy running through me to light up Washington State. (We British Columbians are always exporting our energy.)
I’ve always been described as intense and too much “on.” In fact I’m always “on.” That’s one thing I do: I maintain contact with or keep up with a thread; even if it’s only catching up with how I feel about it in cave time, I remain “on.”
Here’s another example of the unpredictability and changefulness of life right now.
I found myself suddenly sit up in bed this morning and say, “I love every person in the universe.” I meant it. And I felt it. At that moment I did love every person in the universe.
I remember swelling with such an immense, even tidal feeling of love at that moment. I felt my love take in everything, like the Great Flood. And then the wave swept through me and went on its way. It left me with an afterglow, which persists as I write this article.
From that brief flash of an experience, I got that I have to modify my worldview again.
It isn’t that we bring enough barrels of love to fill some hole called a “universe.” Then when we’re full of love or it’s full of love, however it works, we get to experience universal love.
It’s that we become bigger vessels and more love flows through us.
On occasion, a mammoth wave will flow through us. And on one occasion, we’ll become the wave.
“I went from God to God, until they cried [out] from me in me, ‘O thou I!'” – Bayazid of Bistun. (1)
(1) Bayazid of Bistun in Aldous Huxley, The Perennial Philosophy. New York, etc.: Harper and Row, 1970; c1944, 12.