I’m looking for space to find out who I am. Space? The Void, formlessness, the Great Dispersion. Freed from the confines of the body, returned to pure feeling again, unfettered states of being.
It’s a sweet, sweet dream. Sometimes I’m almost there.
John Denver wrote this song, as far as I’m aware, out of appreciation for the transformational work of the est Network. For me, the song will always be associated with a particular course, the est Six Day, where it was played at the beginning and end.
Growth courses like est and Cold Mountain Institute in Canada (Esalen in the U.S.) sought to reproduce intentionally and awaredly what we’d conceive of as Fifth Dimensionality – a unitive perspective immersed in love and bliss, the small self dissolved and the higher Self fully present.
When you finished the Six Day or the longer three-month residential fellowship at CMI or for that matter, even a weekend Communication Workshop, the real work began.
I remember once walking through the door glowing like a light bulb because I’d had a huge transformational experience, to be greeted by my girlfriend shouting at me “Stop that this minute!” Speak of swallowing one’s face. One’s original face at that!
And so it is with lightworkers as well. Breakthroughs, transformational experiences, and peak moments are hard to communicate and hard to accept. The real work starts the minute we leave the door of the workshop. Though most of us “serve” Ascension, most have not had training in how to discuss unusual breakthroughs so they’ll be received.
The ego, according to those who study it, is afraid of change, afraid that it will fall apart, not survive, be extinguished. And the ego is the source of fear – or at least the mind is.
It was always an anomaly for me that so many flocked to growth work knowing that we were further isolating ourselves from those around us. But we did.
We consciously knew and accepted that in stepping outside the circle of familiarity that we were condemning ourselves to loneliness in the cause of breaking free and breathing free.
I’ve never regretted it. In the beginning I steeled myself for the feared rejection. Later I sourced the vasana of loneliness over the course of six months and the major fear and issue left me forever. But it’s a fiery furnace for those who first encounter the fear and rejection that comes with leaving life behind as it was.
What has saved the day for so many relationships where one partner moves forward and the other hasn’t is listening. Many people feel they have to intelligently discuss what’s happening with their partner. But that isn’t really so. For every speaker there’s a listener and assuming the listening position is perfectly respectable and relieves one of dread.
Recreating another’s experience, sharing in their joy, hearing their exhilaration and excitement is a well-accepted way of being with someone who’s in a different place from us.
As lightworkers, if we really absorbed this notion and began to listen to those who go a different route, pass a different portal, or open up a new field, so many problems would be solved and disappear.
But this difficulty has never stopped anyone that I know. There was one point in my life when I had a really major transformational experience every few years. And each time I had one it wiped out all the misery, all the loneliness and all the struggle that had led up to that moment. Ascension itself, we’re told, will wipe away all our tears.