Yesterday I asked if anyone had noticed any physical changes. I did so after I looked in the mirror. I have to acknowledge that I don’t often look in the mirror except in the cursory way men do when they shave.
But this time, I noticed something different about me. My skin was tighter and fuller. The only word that occurred to me was “younger.”
And I don’t say that for any reason. I’m not motivated by a desire to “play up” or “puff” anything. It was a simple observation – and a startling one for me when I looked.
Yesterday as well I noticed an emotional change. I was grocery shopping, walking through a large store where a fair number of shoppers were also passing me by, all of us wheeling our carts and bumping into each other, so to speak. And I became aware of my internal state. But before I describe it, I need to digress for a moment.
I think that we’re most aware of changes. I think we’re probably least aware of steady states. Just as, earlier, I was saying that we only seem to notice what stops working or doesn’t work (which we call “problems”), so also I notice that I only focus on changes in my emotional state. If I suddenly feel sad or suddenly feel joyful, I notice it.
But what I became aware of at this moment, I think by looking at the expressions on the faces of others, was my steady state itself. I think the best word to describe it would be “love.” I’m searching for words here. You recall I said earlier as well that we generally communicate the unknown by means of the known? By metaphors? So I’m looking for metaphors of what this steady state of love was like.
Hmmmm…. It was like a billowing cloud of love inside myself that filled up every part of me. But I was mostly aware of it in my upper chest and I was also aware that when I took a deep breath in, the …. again I’m going to use a metaphor … warmth increased.
Now it wasn’t “warmth.” I didn’t suddenly become hotter in temperature. But warmth towards others, good regard, fellow feeling increased.
And that tweaked my curiosity.
I began to play with it and imagine myself as a radiating heater. I began to send my warmth out to everyone and that caused the love I was experiencing to multiply in me. I was in a blissful space by the time I left that shopping center.
But one other thing about it was curious and noticeable. If I did not breathe deeply and raise the love, it would still be there, but it would not increase.
There was a role for me to play in this if I wanted the love, the warmth to rise and expand and flow outwards. Yes, the steady state was love but the outward flow of it required my action and participation.
And, as I write this, I’m also breathing in deeply and the same phenomenon repeats itself.
I haven’t taken this very far in terms of experimentation, but I do see that there have been two things that have changed: (1) my steady state is love and (2) I have the capacity to work with that love, increase it and send it outwards.
This is definitely a change in my state of being and a welcome change. And it’s also something that captures my attention. I notice that I can almost lose myself in playing with this – breathing deeply in a continuous and ongoing way and watching the level of love, the level of warmth towards others rise, and then fall off as I let the exercise go.
And as the love rises, so the bliss rises too and, with the onset of bliss, I practically forget what I was doing. Perhaps don’t do this exercise while driving your car! Or talking to your spouse or boss. You may forget what he or she is saying….