I’m feeling an expansion in myself and with it a return of confidence.
But this return of confidence is also dragging up two leftover and early-learned emotions. Their simultaneous rise is confusing.
The two unwanted conditions are arrogance and jealousy. I would have expected to feel shame as well but the increase in confidence and self-esteem is supplanting and erasing it.
The other two emotions present the obstacle I’m encountering at the moment.
I’m convinced that the rise of these two emotions is a temporary thing, that they were dragged up alongside the return of confidence. I’ve said in a previous article that I regard arrogance as something we learned at a very early age, comparing ourselves to others and feeling superior.
Jealousy we also learned at a very early age by envying the accomplishments or possessions of others or perhaps having a friend won away from us by someone else in a more desirable position than us or having some other draw that trumped our own.
Arrogance I’ve described on other occasions as the sense of “oh, what a good boy am I.” There is a cockiness to it, a sense of self-pride and pride of accomplishment. I tend to focus on my own contribution to the situation. I become preoccupied with self.
It isn’t a bad feeling. It’s almost as if I’ve been so out of touch with myself that I’m allowing myself to just hang out with and enjoy me. Just like the reader who said yesterday that he’d been involved in such drudgery for so long that he just wanted to hang out in relaxation, so I’ve been so out of touch with me for so long that I just want to hang out with me for a while.
At the same time, if someone comes along who exceeds my expansion, I feel upstaged, combative. Hey, get off of my planet. There’s only room for one of us here.
I hear myself say that I struggled so long to reach this place, I don’t want to be upstaged or have my accomplishment minimized. I find myself stamping my foot and preparing to be snarky.
Of course I have no idea how long this stage will last. I see it as myself passing through sleeping vasanas as I go back the way I came. I devolved into this place and now I evolve back through it again. I’m passing on the way up the same milestones I may have passed on the way down, only this time I’m not becoming mired in but releasing them.
So I simply need to observe the arrogance and jealousy arising in me without getting unduly alarmed, without putting them on like a mask and projecting them onto others. I need to feel them, experience them, hear their message, and then allow them to fade away into the background like any other experience.
The advantage of the return of confidence is that the feeling buoys me up and allows me to patiently abide the rise of arrogance and jealousy without putting myself down with shame. The matter becomes easier now and I have an internal sense that I will survive this experience. I’m enabled to wait this new development out by this sense that all is right with me.
Without the confidence, I’d be making a thorough nuisance of myself. Shame used to be the way I reined myself in. But now confidence allows me not to take arrogance and jealousy seriously.
I believe that most starseeds have come from higher dimensions. One of the tasks I think we agreed to was to pass through this Ascension process along with everyone else and share what happens for us, so as to encourage and help others in their process. It’s as if the makers of the divine plan decided to leaven the loaf with some already-ascended individuals to provide examples. Starseeds are that leaven.
However the crafters of the plan also threw a curve ball, putting blinkers on us as on everybody else. So, even though we’ve been this route before and so much of it seems vaguely familiar to us, we mostly don’t have the certainty of knowing that this is a second run of the course for us.