“Bill” (not his real name) on the 2012 Scenario discussion group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/2012Scenario/) is sitting on a steel platform in the middle of nowhere, missing his new family and concerned for them during these times of trouble.
His share about his situation during this period in our history may not address your situation absolutely, but it does speak for the manner in which so many of us are under numerous pressures, conflicted, and unsure of where we’re headed or the wellbeing of his loved ones. In that sense, “Bill” speaks for many of us. And certainly the way he feels, multiplied, is the way many feel in areas like Christchurch and Sendai.
In reposting his share, I’ve removed identifying features so that it doesn’t show up in search engines and identify him. Please send your prayers to “Bill” at this time when he is grappling with the pressures on him.
March 17, 2011
I find it extremely hard at the moment. I sit on a steel platform thousands of miles away from my [XX]- month-old son and loved ones, contributing to what I know to be part of the problem: Duality manifesting within me as an internal battle between providing materially for my new family and following my convictions. ‘
Up until recent developments I’ve enjoyed immense internal peace and excitement at the way things were unfolding. Indeed, to have one’s beliefs and convictions reaffirmed almost daily was and still is an incredible thing. I revelled in my new-found spirituality; for most of my life, critical thinking had kept that spirituality from me and now the same faculty was responsible for a growing conviction and inner peace within.
However, as the time approaches, no matter how hard I try I can’t help but fear being separated from those I love no matter my desire and sense of duty to do the opposite. I find myself already grieving the loss. In short, the new paternal love factor, combined with my fear of being away ‘when shzt goes down’ is wreaking havoc on my ability to embrace our future. I can’t bear the thought of not being there when my loved ones need me most, to make sense of events as they begin to unfold. This is my current dilemma. Below is how I got to this point.
I have been a keen student of “History” (our true history) since I was 15 years old (now 29) when I chanced upon a copy of Chariots of the Gods at a used book store. From a very young age I knew that things were not as they appeared to be. This was a problem for me in University as I dabbled in Geography, History and Political Theory. It was hard for me to devote myself entirely to something I knew to be composed of half truths at best.
The Institution in Canada (University) is a place of such profound contradiction; you find most professors are so immersed in their own egos and so heavily invested in their established way of knowing that there is little room for a different paradigm. I watched as my greatest allies in University (open-minded, critical-thinking professors) were not offered new contracts or forced out due to one or two individuals taking issue with curriculum in an overly politically correct post-9/11 environment.
This disenfranchisement led to me not completing my post-secondary education and a collection of random occurrences led to my ending up here, in the middle of the [XXX] Sea. As the internet grew in scope so did my new education, thanks to the Law of One material, sites such as bibliotecapleyades and restless nights spent hovered over a static ridden broadcast of Coast 2 Coast (Interior of British Columbia has mountains where most places would have radio waves).
All these years I’ve been able to relate none of this new aspect of myself to those in my inner circle, I was indeed an island unto myself. I’ve also always had a hard time sharing in most trivial joys with those around me as my intense propensity towards Truth and a disenchantment with the ‘established way’ has done much to create social barriers and lead to what I’m finally understanding to be years of deep depression, for those around me ignorance was bliss and my knowledge only served to make heavier my chains. (1)
That said I was what you might call popular and was never without an invite to parties, I’ve been approached by people 7 years my junior and had them shake my hand and tell me that I’m ‘a legend’. I did not suffer complete misery and find great joy in experiencing the beauty of my province as a reflection of the best that our mother has to offer, for that I am most grateful (my profession has brought me to places far less beautiful and far less privileged).
In recent years I have discovered faith, receive no messages, have had no divine moments and really, have had little in the way of personal interaction with my higher self, if any at all. What I do have is a comprehensive understanding of our beginnings, middle and ‘end’ (being but another beginning) and this is enough for me.
I don’t consider myself to be a light worker but know that my understanding necessitates that I act as one, which I have already begun to do with my loved ones asking that they pay no focus to the negative world, envision the future they want and disseminate hope and love as often as they can all the while without fear and a firm conviction that all will be made right. Yet, at this present moment I find it hard to practice what I preach as it conflicts with the love a father has for his son.
So, I suppose this is my introduction, about 2000 posts behind everyone else but submitted nonetheless.
Love and light to all.
P.S. Steve, you have done a great service to humankind, know that if you were to hang up your hat tomorrow, you have done this much. A wise, perhaps misguided man once said “The man who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself.” [Steve: Gotcha, “Bill.”]
(1) What “Bill” describes here is common among starseeds and the colors (Indigo, Crystal, Rainbows, etc.) here in this generation.