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Hello to all,
Well, if you want to know a bit more about me, please go to the “introduction thread”.
Basically, I create this thread because I want to know how you all are farring ?
It has been very difficult for me this last 3 years. For thoose into Astrology, I had Pluto conjunct my Ascendant. And now Uranus is conjunct my Moon, no rest for me….
And I saw many channelings talking about Rebirth. I was a bit relieved at first. “Well, it’s normal, I am not crazy”.
I saw also a lot of channelings about “Ascension symptoms”. Again, I was relieved at first, I have every single ones of them.
But now I am doubting, after years and years of faith. Is my body just getting sick ? Are we all in a collective psychosis ? Where is my faith ? my joy ? I feel like dying, but the rebirth is nowhere in sight. Well, I may talk more about me later, but I wish to hear your thoughts and feelings about that process. I know there wont be many participants though. But for thoose hearing, how are you doing ?
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The fact the I titled my thread this way proves that I still have faith, in a way.
I was aware of Ascension since… ever. A gut feeling. I started exploring it with my innocent and young mind by reading the “Apocalypse” of St John again and again, I just knew it was the time for something. Then, I read many other things, untill I went into the actual concept of “Ascension”. And then I told to myself “here it is”. But now, I am just exhausted. Is it really for our lifetime ? Maybe there was a “casting error” ? I am not strong enough….. Well, I can still feel it, but I am not sure I can live through it.
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The fact that I titled my thread this way proves that I still have faith, in a way.
I was aware of Ascension since… ever. A gut feeling. I started exploring it with my innocent and young mind by reading the “Apocalypse” of St John again and again, I just knew it was the time for something. Then, I read many other things, untill I went into the actual concept of “Ascension”. And then I told to myself “here it is”. But now, I am just exhausted. Is it really for our lifetime ? Maybe there was a “casting error” ? I am not strong enough….. Well, I can still feel it, but I am not sure I can live through it.
P.S : Oh my, trying to edit the synthax ans getting a double-post. I dont get this technology at all. Sorry.
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Hello Raksha,
Allow me to welcome you on this forum. I’m very pleased to see a new face and Light worker join here and open up to his own path and the path of others. Allow me a little bit of time to go into your actual questions … I’ll come back to that.
For now just a happy welcome and some loving Light 💓💞💕🌈🙏
Much Love
Ralph
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Thanks Ralph. Can I call you that ? I will wait a bit for others to participate if they wish. But I think I need to “complain” a bit haha. I will be carefull though, don’t want to ruin the mood.
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Hi Raksha,
Of course you can call me Ralph … please do!!
Complain ahead my friend. If possible however, do it from an observing your own feelings and spiritual understanding! This would at least keep an opening towards the universe as an asking opportunity for Love and Light to flow in or trigger other people to remember a similar experience.
My current ascension process is mostly positive and progression towards happiness … the end of darkness. I use my state and energy to uplift and stimulate as much people as possible. However, I’ve noticed the most important part of people’s struggle is … to be understood!
So if people experience difficult times … they tend to be drawn towards others in misery or despair as well … at least unless you are a spiritual seeker!
The spiritual seeking ones … want to understand the how and why of their lessons and have evolved mostly beyond the victim and blaming others awareness.
Leave it with this for now.
Much love Ralph
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Hello Raksha,
Well, this isn’t going to contain much about Ascension I guess… but you asked about the good, the bad and ugly I went through so here it goes!
This last year has been somewhat hectic for me…
I was for a start going through what was possibly the best times I’d ever had, from a spiritual, mental and enjoyment perspective. I’d been slowly getting to some VERY nice states of awareness, felt like I knew for a change where I was going in life… you get the gist.
Then, my father killed himself, totally unexpectedly on my part, and it, obviously, was a traumatic experience. Let me simply add that it’s not my first experience with suicide attempts in my close family.
Some inevitable hard times happened. However, I made peace with his act, although I mourned him intensely. Having lived through severe depression myself at some points in my life, I can sadly understand how it could eventually appear easier to die than keep on living some of the utter downs of this physical existence.
I was even doing quite well a few months later… Meditation was as always a tremendous help in accepting and clearing my emotions. I’d been practicing it for a few years at that point and had gotten to the point of being aware of most thoughts and emotions as they arose. I in fact had some of my most intense spiritual experiences a few months after my father’s passing, as it forced me to readjust so much about how I perceived life as a whole.
I started posting here at GAoG at that time, in fact, although I didn’t reveal any of this back then. It felt way too raw.At some point though, around the end of summer, I ended up being cast in “his shoes” as I had to fully take care of the business and legal matters he’d himself been facing.
In a few words, some of his business associates turned against him, harassed him, cast him out of the business he had created, that he enjoyed immensely and that was truly his lifetime dedication, and he had to face impending economic disaster because of this… It seems he was not their first victim. We may be One, there are vicious evildoers nonetheless.
He got very sick on top of it (yes, from the infamous virus), which was simply too much.
Since my mother suffers for psychiatric disorders and we both inherited all of this mess I knew almost nothing about, in its raw, unsolved and opaque state, I had to take care of the whole situation myself and got a very short and intense initiation into the (incredibly awful) world of business relations, big money (as in huge debt), lawyers and omnipresent lies. I also had to take care of many things for my mother, which is quite difficult since we live far from one another.
Quite stupidly from the other side of it, I stopped meditating, cultivating any kind of awareness or positive feeling and gradually got caught into this dark and toxic web. Retrospectively, I’m quite amazed at how fast and how far I fell. It still seems almost impossible. I was at the time quite confident that I’d manage for a few months of almost permanent intellectual implication in this kind of stuff. Yeah… not so.
It pretty much destroyed my mental health to be honest… I ended up having anxiety attacks so strong I convulsed for hours at a time and was at some point faced with either taking anxiolytics or being sent to a mental institution. I chose the drugs. They were in fact quite helpful, compared to how unbearable it had gotten.
So, yeah, that was the ugly part.A few months ago, I ended up feeling “safe enough” to resume my meditation practice. Unsurprisingly, my heart-mind was a real wreck, while I had been enjoying some very lasting Tranquility and Joy before all that.
Little by little, I’ve recovered some of my previous quality of awareness.
Anxiety itself pretty much stopped in as little as a week… The remedy was in the end both simple and obvious, but I hadn’t been able to consider it at all before. It’s quite incredible how darkness can utterly smother Light if it gets cultivated in total unawareness…
My state doesn’t yet compare very well to the ones I was in before (do I miss even the first jhāna I got into so easily… instant Bliss, then into ecstatic Tranquility, then into glorious Equanimity ? I know I lived it, but it feels like eons ago, not one punny year…), but I’m quite optimistic about it getting better over time.
I’m still faced with some of the crazy legal and business matters, but I’m pretty much okay with it. I do what I need to at it turns up and let it dissolve right after. It’s not nice, I sometimes have to face repulsive stuff from people I’d rather have nothing to do with but I’m not getting drawn into 3D insanity anymore.
I’m still quite far from the states I used to live in… still, some easeful tranquility and sedate joy each day is incomparably better than what I went through. I’ve even had a few experiences I’d associate with 5D lately, although they required some fairly intense dedication to get into, and occasional Unity, which felt like a forgotten best friend, without the “selves” parts, if that makes any sense to you.
All in all, Life feels good and enjoyable again!Well, I’m not sure this is some very usual content here, but I hope it gives some overview of the ups and downs I was talking about in the other thread.
Please do “complain” if you need to, I sure wish I had rather than going headfirst into near disaster!
In Loving Kindness (may I never forget about it again!),
Julien-
Hi Julien,
Thank you so much for telling your story and sharing your recent challenges. I remember we were talking around the time you were handling your father’s affairs. Not aware of the drama behind it then.
Guess from a Higher Self awareness you had to go through the experience in order to have a better understanding of why it happened and how to balance yourself again … in knowing Who you really are!
The Earth experience is a trap for many … mainly because it is so real.
The most common “trap” I fall for all the time is … to beat or to defeat the exterior enemies, threats or demons. From a human perspective you can really get exhausted when trying to avoid or battle something or someone who is on the … I don’t want that part … of your own total universe!
Having a spiritual understanding of Who you Are … allows you in All situations to return to the most important human question “What is my lesson Now?”
You my friend are asking this question every time you step into meditation and allow your spirit and higher self to offer you clarity And balance out your surrounding energy field where all “others” dwell.
No One (“other”) can Control You!! You exist in Free Will and every Earth form of perceived “protection” allows a big or small attachment in the “Not” part of your existence.
My intuition tells me both your parents “allow” you a great opportunity to step into your own and Real power. Your late loving father from … “I don’t want that (too)” and your mother from desire to “protect and possibly rescue” from harm and evil.
I have to say you created quite a complex lesson and ascension exam for yourself my dear friend. Please keep us posted and if possible don’t struggle with this stuff alone! You are among friends here … even if you “just” need to complain or let of steam.
I’ll send you extra strength, Light and Love 💕💓💞🙏🌈
Ralph
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Hi Julien,
The purpose of this topic was precisely to talk about the whole process we are going through, the ups and downs and all. So yeah, I believe we are speaking of Ascension right now. Years ago, I though I would progressively get lighter and happier untill reaching the finish line. How naive.
I now understand that the ascension process is anything but easy. That is logical in a sense. Old energies wont simply vanish. They have to be transmuted. I just feel it is hardly possible in this reality to clear absolutly everything, there always seems to be more around the corner, layers upon layers of old stuff. So I guess we can just do our best with our healing/clearing, and hopefully a Solar flash or something will do the rest at one point.
Hopefully.Wow. That is some really heavy stuff you went through. I wasn’t expecting it. It must have been hard.
Good to hear you are getting better again. I often hear people say that the universe/higher-self wont give us more challenges than we are able to deal with. Sometimes, I wonder. The possibility of suicide tends to indicate, that indeed it can be too much to bear. Or at the very least, as close to the line as possible. What a ride.I know also that meds have a very bad reputation within the spiritual community. Certainly, it may be preferable to do without, but I am wary of absolutisms. I know it can save lives. It certainly did save miine at one point.
Thank you very much for your sharing Julien. I may speak more about my process later, and my own ups and dows this last few years. But I wish to let more room for others to join if they so wish. For now.
I am looking forward to have a good laugh with you on the « other side » once this game is finished, my fellow.
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