I often ask myself in the morning: What is most important for me to do today?
But even that question has changed in the weeks since Xenia. I wouldn’t have expected, from the event itself, that I’d see so many changes rippling through me.
My presupposition was that the Self had to be a light brighter than a thousand suns and this was not. This was more luminous than bright, like a divine frosted light bulb. (1)
I know my experiences have been truncated in the past. (2) Several have lacked bliss, which is the elevating factor. Could it be that the sight of the Self was itself muted down?
As I said earlier, it wasn’t the sight of the Self that was the most transformative. It was the feelings of innocence, purity, and naturalness that I felt which got right down inside me and began their work. And that transformation continues.
So what is it most important for me to do, now that I know that I am at essence innocent and pure? Now that I know that, when people dig down and dig down, they won’t find a morass of hatred, arrogance, and “original sin” there, but, instead, a return to what Innocent III called “original innocence”? What now becomes most important for me to do?
You endured three years of me extolling the virtues of higher-dimensional love. Hopefully you can endure a few weeks of me fixated on what I’m learning from a minor episode of Self-Realization.
Yes, minor. I’m not trying to over-rate it. It was what it was. It didn’t come with a label and an FAQ, saying “I am a Fourth-Chakra Experience of the Self.”
But minor though it was, it’s having the same ripple effect that I’m sure the untruncated version would have had. If this were untruncated, I think I’d be writing sonnets right now and floating on a cloud.
And maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m answering my own question, what’s most important to do?
I think it’s most important to allow the experience to unfold completely, to allow it to work its effect on my expression, choice of subjects, everything, and to write about it. In other words, to allow it to fully flower, consistent with my mission, and communicate it.
What we so often do is have one of these experiences, talk about it for a few days, and then let it go after that.
No, as I see it after the heart opening and now, experiences like these can fundamentally alter our character and expression if we remain with them and allow them to unfold.
Jesus would have said that this seed fell on fertile ground. If we turn away from the experience, it never flowers; the seed then falls on stony ground. The ground is our awareness.
These states need our recognition, our awareness to flower. Our awareness is what triggers their blossoming.
Fortunately, my agreement with myself on the awareness path is to remain self-aware, the very state that allows the experience to unfold.
This experience is different from the heart opening. This hasn’t been a love experience. My ability to experience love has not been altered by the Xenia experience.
This has been a fundamental reordering of my view of myself, with the liberating feeling that accompanies it. It’s as if there are compartments on a train. In this compartment is a love experience. In this compartment is a knowledge experience.
In this knowledge experience, I’ve shifted from seeing myself as an inglorious bastard and troll under the bridge to knowing myself as an innocent pilgrim.
That is huge. Oh my Gawd, to let myself out of jail, free? To know that I’ve finished sitting in judgment on myself? That brings a fundamental reordering of one’s worldview.
And if I am innocent, several corollaries follow:
(1) You are innocent, at essence, too.
(2) Even the blackest villain is innocent, at essence.
(3) That does not excuse 3rd/4th-Dimensional misbehavior.
Many chains fall away. I feel calm, confident, happy. The “story of my life” as a constant complaint has ended. I now represent the positive side of life rather than being a stick in the mud, a thorn in the backside. This is new to me. I don’t have words for it – yet.
And this isn’t morality I’m describing. This isn’t the promotion of some religious dogma.
I’m simply describing actuality. Just as raindrops fall off the hood of a car, so do our thoughts, deeds, and actions “roll off” the Self, leaving it untouched, unsullied, pure.
The Self has been described as peerless, stainless. My spiritual name and a sometime pseudonym, Nirmal, means without taint, innocent, pure.
Well, now I’ve seen it, but more to the point I felt it. In the process, I solved a great mystery: What lies under our vasanas? The Self.
Off into the collective consciousness this knowledge goes, like a dash of yeast to leaven the loaf.
What is most important for me to do? (1) Let the experience unfold, (2) apply its lessons, and (3) write about it; i.e., leaven the loaf.
Footnotes
(1) But Bodhidharma has said: “If, while you’re walking, standing, sitting or lying in a quiet grove, you see a light, regardless of whether it’s bright or dim, don’t tell others. And don’t focus on it. It’s the light of your nature.” (Bodhidharma in Red Pine, trans., The Zen Teachings of Bodhidharma. Port Townsend, WA, Empty Bowl, 1987, 16.)
(2) See “AAM on Truncated Experiences” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/03/21/aam-on-truncated-experiences/