Happy Canada Day to our Canadian readers!
Having stopped “waiting,” (1) I now begin to see things about it that one doesn’t see until one is outside of it.
Waiting and stopping waiting both have vasanas (core issues) attached to them. The vasana I have around stopping waiting relates to my Dad.
I vaguely remember the day when I stopped waiting for him to show up – or “come around,” as we’d have put it in those days. I said to myself (this is the conclusion at the heart of the vasana) “he will never come around.” And so I decided (the decision, also at the heart of the vasana) to cut him adrift, let him go his own way. I stopped waiting for my Dad.
What I notice about waiting itself is that I put more and more things on hold as I continue to wait for something. I feel myself seep away as a creator and initiator.
I was forewarned. But I just felt so confident in an early resolution that I hung on.
In fact all this is probably a natural cycle. We hold on and wait for something until we reach our limit of tolerance and then we let it go. There’s probably nothing unusual about that. But this is a big and important matter and I was attached to it.
The greater the attachment, the greater the pain in detaching. So I do feel some pain. Most of it was processed some time ago. But the attachment itself, I get to see, was great.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t wait for our parent to pick us up or wait in the check-out line. I’m talking abut an attitude of suspension of any areas that might conflict with the hoped-for event before that event has happened. I’m not going to get a job because the Reval is coming. I’m not going to investigate this field over here because the Reval is coming.
Going that route, our awareness gradually retreats, closes down, shuts off. We become lethargic, which we may be unaware of.
Thank you for this lesson. That’s why we’re here in the body, to learn lessons like these.
I now need to march out of that wait-induced lethargy and carve out a life again. I already know my field of studies but what do I want to accomplish personally?
(1) The pure act of waiting is neutral. But waiting in the way I’m using it means putting one’s life on hold while awaiting an outcome. See “Reaching the Same Place by Another Route,” June 28, 2016, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=278021