There’s something that’s becoming clearer and clearer to me these days and it’s very hard to put into words.
There’s a wholesale change that’s needed, that’s long overdue, and that seems unwilling to leave me alone until I act on it.
I’ve been delaying, avoiding, and ignoring the need to act like a totally mature spiritual adult.
Why have I been avoiding it? I hear myself saying, ah, who cares if we’re totally mature spiritual adults? No one else is. Why should I care?
Then I hear myself saying, I wasn’t even aware it was possible. And again: I haven’t got the time.
The voices rattle on with their excuses, justifications and denials.
But as I encounter ever new circumstances in my life, circumstances that really matter, the pressure is on me to break through to a new level of personal responsibility.
I mentioned to you that I sometimes use the fictional exercise of envisioning a “Big Steve” and a “Little Steve.” Little Steve has all the grumbles and complaints. Big Steve is the centered and balanced, courageous and strong side of me. And I can call him up, just as I can call up love from my heart.
Remember the native-Indian story that we each have a “good” wolf and a “bad” wolf inside us and all depends on which we feed? Well, I’ve been feeding the “bad” wolf – the lazy wolf, the conformist wolf, the hesitant wolf, etc.
The experience of Big Steve really opened my eyes. I have that inside of me?
As I go out and meet more people, usually at meet-ups, I realize more and more that I represent my work. What I do does or can reflect, in judgmental minds, on Ascension, building Nova Earth, and the Company of Heaven.
Realizing that was like having a bucket of cold water poured over me. We don’t just wake up to Ascension. We wake up to a multitude of things. The process of awakening never seems to stop.
I just woke up to my personal responsibilities.
The insight had been creeping up on me. I remember a few days ago noticing that I now avoid getting into fracases or lipping off to someone who’s rude to me. And what had me avoid it was hearing myself say: “This is not worth ruining my mission over.”
Never mind getting to know people in the world. I’ve been getting to know Big Steve. And I like him.
Archangel Michael once told me that the “I” that likes Big Steve is the Atman, the Christ, the Self. (1) I’d assume that Big Steve is my “Higher Self.” Our Higher Selves are a Seventh-Dimensional phenomenon, I’ve been told. The “I” that recognizes Big Steve is transcendental, beyond the dimensions.
I’m prepared to live as a person who knows that his actions could reflect on the whole Company of Heaven and accepts that responsibility with awareness and … it’s so hard for me to say … joy. My racket for decades has been the adult victim of child abuse. It’s exceptionally hard to give up my leading role. But I cannot take it with me on this next leg of the journey.
I want to explore that dimension of life that arrives with an acceptance of one’s personal responsibilities and a commitment to live up to them.
(1) Steve Beckow: There’s something that focuses its attention on the higher self, the ego, the mind. What is that something that does that? …
AAM: It is your very soul.
SB: Now is that the Atman or beyond the Atman?
AAM: No, it is your Atman.
SB: That is a question I’ve had for decades! Thank you for settling that one for me. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Jan. 23, 2014.)