I’m taking Linda Dillon’s Core Issues course and I haven’t been writing on my core issues. Let me correct that deficiency.
At the same time, let me tackle a difficult share. I’m always watching myself to see if I take on the difficult subjects. Some things I can’t discuss. But of the topics I can, do I communicate the ones that would make you blush?
And every time I do communicate one, I congratulate myself. There’s one more nail in the coffin of fear of expressing myself. One more in the coffin of the constructed self, the image we sell to others to avoid being seen as we think we are. Let me break a few images here.
This is my report on one of my core issues.
I am lonely. I am lonelier than I think I can possibly bear. I could happily leave this role tomorrow and go seek a less lonely lifestyle. And it wouldn’t be because I was unhappy or had issues with people. It would be because I was terminally and interminably lonely.
That qualifies as a core issue, does it not? Something you’d rather die than face?
Loneliness, I’ve found, is not something that’s cured by communication. Fixers and advisers would feel frustrated trying to fix the lonely because fixing won’t work. Loneliness is not an “Aha!” kind of thing. There’s no realization that I’m aware of that would cause it to lift. It can only be experienced through to completion.
The lonely person might end up facing the need to placate the fixer, who may be unconsciously annoyed because they couldn’t help. But helping is an inappropriate response to a person’s loneliness.
Listening is perhaps the most appropriate thing that can be done but it may be that, in the end, there is no avoiding that loneliness has to be completely experienced … barring some faster method from more recent spiritual science (Linda?). It may need to wear itself out over time, if it’s going to.
The last time I completed loneliness, it took six months lying on my bed. I refused to allow myself to go out even for a walk on the street or in any other way distract myself. And one day it lifted and never returned – until recently.
But I don’t have six months now to process it. And besides people don’t talk about things like feeling lonely, right? It’s gauche, isn’t it?
No. I will.
This current bout of loneliness arises as a result of a major decision I took recently, that stopped me from doing things that were masking my loneliness. Discussing that is also confronting, but let’s have at it.
Given that I’ll be working with 50-100 women on the Gender Equality Project, I decided that, seeing as I’m not currently in a relationship, I’d choose celibacy for the time I’d be associated with that project. (1)
That lays one whole area of life to rest and makes my life monumentally easier.
When I made that decision, my general stress level, which is quite high for financial reasons, went down a very large notch. I think that reduction in stress contributed to the sojourn in my natural state that happened a day later. (2)
Well, my celibate life lasted all of a day. When I had my reading with Linda Dillon this morning, the Divine Mother came through and she told me, and later Archangel Michael did as well, that they did not want celibacy; they wanted sacred union at all levels. Back to the drawing board.
But during the day that that decision had been made, I stopped going to my usual haunts and the lack of human contact brought up loneliness like a whale from the depths.
I know of no cure for loneliness other than to do what Jesus recommended in “The Third Way” (3) – to observe it until it passes. To paint it with awareness, that wonderful solvent, and watch it melt away. To allow it to deliver its message and then release it back into the universe.
Perhaps that whole process has sped up since the last time I went through it. I don’t know. There’s so much innovation happening among lightworkers and lightholders that I can’t keep up with it all. Someone else will have to do that, I’m afraid.
Committed lightworkers often have it rough in that many of the distractions available to others aren’t available to us.
A lightworker doesn’t get to say, “My Gawd, this is a boring time. Nothing seems to be happening. I think I’ll take myself off to the Riviera for the rest of the summer and maybe continue on to India after that.” No, we generally stay at our posts (minus short holidays).
Lightwork is a long-term commitment. There’s a lot of standing and waiting in it, as we all can attest. There’s ample time that needs to be filled, which can lead to loneliness if it’s not.
Also, we’re removed from society because our views are so different from the mainstream’s. Most of us have left our sleeping friends long ago. We live lives of not-so-splendid isolation.
The Mother told me that she wanted financial wayshowers to experience poverty and sickness, and even brutality so they could understand the situation faced by those they gifted to. Again conditions like poverty, sickness, etc., are isolating.
Loneliness is a constant occupational hazard of lightwork, the loneliness of the long-distance lightworker.
Someone out there, take on the task of linking up lightworkers please. Not just vaguely-spiritual match-making sites but lightworker match-making. I think only a lightworker would understand another lightworker and only a mission-driven individual would love another mission-driven individual.
(1) I plan to set up the project, run it until the wrinkles are out of it, and then turn it over to the group and excuse myself from it. Apart from the fact that a gender-equality project probably should be run by women, I don’t “run” projects. I create them and then move on to the next creation.
(2) “Above the Line in the Transformed Space – Part 1/2,” June 7, 2015, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/06/07/above-the-line-in-the-transformed-space-part-12/ and “Above the Line in the Transformed Space – Part 2/2,” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/06/07/above-the-line-in-the-transformed-space-part-22/.
(3) “Jeshua via Pamela Kribbe: The Third Way,” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2014/01/26/jeshua-the-third-way/.