Sacagawea and Meriweather Lewis, her later husband
Marilyn wrote a really astonishing personal share, which I asked if I could share with you.
Since you have mentioned you too came from domestic violence. (1) I thought you might be interested in what I have found with layers and layers to my story of domestic violence.
My husband tried to kill me half a dozen times; God and angels have kept me alive. From being in a twelve-step program, I know I have to get to the origin of the issue. Therefore, now with over 25 years in a relationship of unconditional love, I’ve had the privilege to dig deeper until I finally found the beginning of my past trauma including rape. When I finally had an environment of being totally safe, I could be free to trust my inner search.
The answer has come in stages. I first discovered with 5 years of sobriety that I had a death wish. With years of learning to forgive him, I found that his childhood was so desperate he was acting it out on me. The psychiatrist said his actions were those of a psychopath. In addition, I realized he was an alcoholic, sex addict, and rage-aholic too.
As I am a past life regressionist, IBRT, I started looking into past lives. During meditation, he came to me in spirit after our divorce and he was still alive in another state and told me, how much he loved me, to play that part. I needed the attacks to play out my script. No one else in our soul group would volunteer, so he finally decided to play that part for my soul growth.
I found many past lives where I had been killed. I kept looking deeper and finally realized that I had a past life, over 2000 years ago, from which my death wish came. I was a little child, about 3-4 years, living in a cave in a desert area with barely a cloth to keep warm, looking for twigs to stay warm, looking for berries to eat, no animals, people, and so lonely that I wanted to die.
I was told in meditation that this is the life, currently, where I could end that death wish. I am not needy in this life for food, warmth, clothing, people, or finances; I am not needy, lonely, without food, etc., today. I do not want to die.
I found in reading A Course in Miracles four times that I was always trying to defend myself, subconsciously then, the other person felt attacked. Their attacking me was trying to defend themselves visually to my subconscious attacks. It was a passive aggressive game going on.
We had three prior past lives of domestic violence. One of my past lives I was Sacagawea and he was Charbonneau. (2) I was told in meditation that in this life I would end it. I know the past has been resolved. He played the part for me to find I was sending it out and it was coming back to me. I am not sure I want to try another relationship with him as he asked me recently in spirit.
I always send out love to any difficulty today, I like the love returning. They are my teachers. This is a very short version of a thirty-year, domestic-violent marriage of rape. I never fought back for some reason. I very deeply knew that would make matters worse. The stories of angels and God showing up stopping time with telling me to pray, “God forgive him for he knows not what he does” is only one time that God kept me alive, in many situations.
I am responsible for all my life. Love never fails.
Marilyn L. Redmond
Footnotes
(1) My father was physically and psychologically violent.
(2) See “Toussaint Charbonneau,” Wikipedia, at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toussaint_Charbonneau and “Sacagawea,” Wikipedia at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacagawea.