Sometimes I worry about myself because I’m so insular these days.
But there are times, I think, when lightworkers need to go inward.
For a monk in Thailand, it might be cave time. For a monk in India, it might be seeking the solitude of the headwaters of the Ganges. For a lightworker in North America, the best it gets is cocooning.
At those times when mountains are not mountains and rivers are not rivers – which time is upon me now, having seen the Self, if only for a moment (1) – the outside world feels jarring.
A person on the bus being nice and striking up a pleasant conversation for me sounds unreal and something I want to break my connection with. No, no, get me out of here, I’m saying inside while smiling seraphically outside. I’m wracked by dissonance.
I’m in a place that a friend used to describe as “refusing to modify.” I’m refusing to modify myself, to vibe down, so to speak, to remain with our collective conditioning, the utter banality of it all.
I WANT MORE. I WANT BETTER, I’m screaming inside. Stop the world. I want to get off.
And of course my time of gestation having arrived is the result of knowing it can be better. I’ve felt bliss. I’ve felt real love. I’ve seen the Self. I know it can be better.
Compared to bliss, an ordinary, everyday pleasant conversation shows up for me like a basic denial of all I’ve learned through all these years, all I’ve experienced, and all I’ve realized.
Of course the “me” that’s reacting in this way is exaggerating. In the eyes of his everyday society, he may be seen as insane. Very few would understand what life looks like from his angle. So he’d best either control himself or restrict his movements.
His tolerance levels for banality and insincerity have gone way, way down, as they do after a divine experience.
What was once tolerable is no longer so. What was once hidden is no longer hidden. What once interested a person no longer does.
Mountains are no longer mountains; they come to have completely-different meanings, seen from completely-different vantage points; the same with rivers. Everything has changed.
The being has made a basic shift from voting for his conditioning to leaving it all behind.
I can assert from experience that even a glimpse of the Self can cause a revolution in one’s being a thousand times deeper than the first sight of your very first love.
So for the highest good of all, a person for whom mountains are no longer mountains and rivers no longer rivers needs to go off into relative seclusion. Seclusion from all but this ascension diary. On my dying day, I will write.
I apologize to those who’ve written into the “Contact Us” email in the last short while. I’m in no condition to answer your emails, I’m afraid. I’m in a cave in India somewhere – if not in body, at least in mind, feeling, and spirit. Don’t know when I’ll be back.
I’m also worried because I’m so exhausted so often.
But at those times I remember that I sought as full a dose of the Porlana C as was both permissible and advisable and this is what I got. Yay, I’m a millionaire!
Everything has accelerated for me. For a person who gets bored with too much downtime, I cannot complain.
With me it’s always whether I’m learning or not that’s important. If there’s one characteristic I know about me it’s that I always need to be learning.
And I’m learning a lot here and so I’m satisfied.
One of the things I’m learning is that I’m not flowing with my circumstances. To a large extent, I’m in the way.
Archangel Michael said that the greatest skill and positive factor in divine co-creative partnership was getting out of the way. And that is so true and should be underlined, according to me.
The whole problem I present is during the moments when I won’t get out of the way. No, I’M right. No, it’s MY turn.
If we were to keep a scorecard, I’d say I’m still 70% in the way; that is, 70 percent of the opportunities to get out of the way I don’t recognize and go along with. I think I know better. Usually I don’t … and it shows. This is the everyday me you don’t see in print.
I don’t flow. (2)
But I’m being tutored. He’s teaching me and he’s teaching you right along.
If we want successful divine co-ceative partnerships, we’d be wise to master flowing and getting out of the way.
I’m the worst offender. And I just got off it. Oh my heavens, waking up is hard to do.
Getting out of the way is a prime example of what I’m learning these days and I consider it rich treasure, rich payment for services rendered.
People have asked me, do you not miss having a guru? Oh, I have one. I assure you. And I’ve never learned more or faster in my life (3) than from this divine co-creative partnership, which they want to have with you too by the way. There’s no end to the number of archangels. (4)
So, given that I’m learning by leaps and bounds from what has come from the initial downpour of Porlana C that I asked for, I’m on balance willing to pay the price of exhaustion quite happily. It gives a whole new meaning to “learn while you sleep.”
(1) A moment is enough. Any moment is enough. Enough to send a person on the quest forever and in ways they’ve never quested before, with redoubled determination.
Of course it isn’t a search, at least not for me. It’s an unveiling of the natural Self, which we already are and always will be. It’s also going deeper and deeper into bliss, in my case. All roads lead to Home. Touch Home and you’re free.
And God says, “You found me!” and laughs.
I think I’m in a time of repair. I need to relax, not go outside, as beautiful as this location is. There’ll be time for that later. Just be in the stillness and the silence.
(2) Keep in mind that flow is a paradigmatic representation of the way of life on the Fifth Dimension. Life flows.
(3) I remember turning to my wife while at the ashram of a guru I had studied with for twenty years and saying, “I don’t feel I’ve grown at all.” I definitely cannot say that about this particular spiritual partnership.
(4) Archangel Michael: Now you still have billions upon billions of sparks of light and this is something that we have never really talked about before; in the Mother’s infinite creation, there are still billions of those sparks of light being birthed to this day.
Steve Beckow: And these were the seraphim or all of the angels?
AAM: No, all the angelics [what I call the celestials], if you take it as a very large group. (“Archangel Michael on the Angelic Kingdom,” June 13, 2014, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2014/06/13/archangel-michael-on-the-angelic-kingdom/.)