The second realization (1) I had in the course of knowing I needed to respond to my stress level was that I saw that I no longer have the luxury to be anything but adult.
I’ve seen this before so this is an example of a realization being gotten more and more deeply.
I don’t get to be a child. Not if I’m to be what Graham called a “light steward.” (2)
But you get how this in itself is a constructed self and has us “be” a certain way. What distinguishes it from all other constructed selves is that I’m choosing this one consciously and for the highest good of all.
The alternative is unacceptable any longer.
Being personally irresponsible means that there’s no one home to make agreements with. Slipping out of things is not conducive to building a new world. A very high degree of personal responsibility will probably be necessary.
There’s also a side of me that gets annoyed at that.
I want to be able to run my number. The number I developed as a child to get my way? Oh, please. Just a little longer?
Well, Earth to Steve, Earth to Steve, that has to end now. You knew there would come a time and this is it.
I no longer have the luxury of getting even with people, pointing out their blemishes, tossing their allegations back at them, grimacing, etc. In another post, I called this “Third Dimentia.” (3)
I hear my inner child say: Oooo, that smarts to swallow such a good retort. Oooo, now’s my time to get even. Revenge is sweet. No one would see me if I did this now. Eeee, ooo, ahhh.
I used to ask myself: Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Because doing the wrong thing often feels so good.
I have to give up all these good feelings because doing the wrong things, being personally irresponsible, acting like a child is not an option any more.
So much for oooo, eee, ahhh.
This is an example of the personal work that I’m having to do to be a light steward in my field of building Nova Earth. Intense inner scrubbing, chiselling, polishing.
There’s no way forward but to expand. And expanding means dropping all that holds us back – vasanas, conditioned behavior, childish masks, unproductive desires, the need for profile, etc.
(1) For the first part of this discussion, see “Dropping the Need for Profile” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=282980
(2) Graham, the founder of InLight Radio, has had to join the work force. Like so many others, he had to erase his lightworker identity from the Internet to get a job. So I don’t use his last name.
(3) “What Else Does Expansion Bring?” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2016/10/24/else-expansion-bring/