Whether it’s a trough in the waves of love or an intensified energy that draws all incompletions out of me, it’s painful, deep, unbearable.
I’m going through existential loneliness and I know it’s caused by seeing myself as separate from God.
I think all loneliness comes from that. It’s the chief cause, the head vampire of existential loneliness.
We try to fill this yawning chasm of emptiness with sports cars and speedboats and vacations. But nothing fills it. It can only be filled with God.
If I want to be free of this deep, existential loneliness, I have to end the charade of separation once and for all.
I have to. The situation has become too painful for me. And so I set about it.
I tackled the misconception first at the mental level. I cannot be separate from God. You cannot be. We all cannot be.
God is everything that is. If I were separate from God, then God would not be everything that is. And that cannot be in my world.
God is One without a second. If I were separate from God, I would be an impossible second. Again that just cannot be.
So it’s clear to me at the mental level that I cannot be separate from God. It’s an impossibility.
And the same applies to all of us.
But the seed-feeling of loneliness was still inside of me. So I went deeper, to the feeling level. I knew full well that, if I didn’t take the process deeper, the seeds of loneliness would sprout again.
I asked God to help me deal with this once and for all. And so I tried to feel God. And I felt love.
And whenever I tried to feel God, I felt love.
And I got it. God is love. And therefore, since I am God, I am love. And we all are.
We pay such a heavy price for seeing ourselves as separate from God. We trade love for loneliness. I repent myself of that mistake and, on whatever level I can access, I request myself to remember that I am God; we all are God. And, since God is love, we all are love.
Love ends the separation.
Love is the way to God. Love is God. Love is everything.
This existential loneliness is a lapse of love. When I radiate my love out into the world, it washes the loneliness away.
To free myself from the loneliness at the center of life, the answer for me is love.