Can our major reactive patterns cause illnesses? And can illness be part of the universe’s message to us that we need to flatten a reactive pattern?
Last year I was sick for approximately six months with colitis. It took several months to diagnose because there were other things, like food allergies, happening at the same time.
This year I seem to be inviting a major illness from a sleep-deprivation pattern that’s emerging.
But when I look deeper I see a major reactive pattern, which Vedantists call a “vasana,” underneath both illnesses.
Is illness the universe’s way of telling us to handle our patterns?
I see a pattern throughout my life of overworking myself and watching helplessly as my health declines. Finally some major illness occurs and I’m forced to take a rest. I smell a racket here.
The vasana or habit pattern is that I’m trying to prove to a critical father that I’m not lazy and no good.
Sixty-three years old and still playing with childhood records!
This is the first time I’ve become aware of where I’m headed and the first time I’ve treated the situation as one involving vasanas. I intend to use the clearing process on it and see if I can turn the situation around before I create a major disaster for myself.
I was writing one of you and noticed that I took a certain stance on this issue of sleep deprivation. I was getting whiney.
I had a good night’s sleep two nights ago but last night again I got only two hours sleep again and am ready to keel over from the impact of it.
The stance I took was that I was powerless to do anything about the situation. Like a train headed for disaster, i could only follow the one track.
But this time I’m not prepared to act out a vasana. I intend not to get sick.
I also don’t intend to resist what’s happening. When I do, the ill effects of the situation are multiplied.
So why am I discussing this? Because I intend to ease up on the amount I publish. I think I’ve proven to my father dozens of times over that I’m not lazy. Dad isn’t even around any longer and still I go on proving it. Hey, Dad, pretty silly, eh?
Enough is enough. A vasana is a vasana, no matter how good some of its effects are for me or for others. Any automatic behavior turns a person, in the end, into a robot.
The most important thing for me right now is to complete this pattern. I’m not sure what it will take or what it’ll look like. But I don’t intend to lose my health once again and be of no use to anyone, including myself. I intend to rest up over here and take it easy. Yes, indeed, I may even take a holiday. Be unpredictable. Put my feet up. Just veg.
I’ve always assumed that illness arises because of some physical weakness, ailment, karma, etc. But I’ve never approached it as something I’m doing to myself out of an unconscious repetition of patterned behavior. I’m tired of behaving like a robot. I want the human being, underneath all patterns, to emerge.