I Need More

No interest

I’m going through a hugely unpredictable and uncomfortable phase at the moment and I feel a need to communicate it. The only way I can think to describe it is to say “I need more.”

I need more challenge. I need a bigger job. I need more to be at stake.

I need more honesty. I need more courage. I need more people who are taking on the world’s unworkability, playing big, and risking everything.

There isn’t anything in my life that I can think of at this moment that adequately challenges me or that satisfies me at more than a superficial level.  The thought of eventually being a part of handling sums so large they would make your head spin does not interest me in the slightest. None of what the world has to offer interests me.

I’m impatient with people talking to me in contrived ways. I’m tired of image management. I’m tired of silliness and simple comfort and lack of vision. I want to be met and met with honesty, courage, and boldness. I want to bump up against people and be seen and heard, not run away from.

I feel like moulting my life or breaking free of everything. While I respect all that is honest, courageous and selfless, I have no further use for anyone’s communication (not mine, not anyone else’s) that is simply designed to bolster ego, win affirmation or anything else that shows up for me like small, standing still, or wasting time.

Too small

No matter how big the project is, no matter how much it seems to weigh in the values that the world holds dear, I have not the slightest interest in it if it does not greatly shift the balance of what’s amiss in our world, address a wrong, or make a huge difference in the way we lead our lives as a collectivity.

I know this sounds outrageous and may offend nine people out of ten, but I’m tired beyond words of the petty pace I live my life at, the silliness that passes for conversation, and the lack of people I can bounce up against and encounter substantially.  I’m tired of people hiding, playing nice, and staying small. For God’s sake, come out and meet me!

Hardly worth considering

That’s all I can say about it, no matter who I offend or what standards I violate.

Something has to shift for me. Something has to change. Or I’ll set off for Agartha or travel to Tibet or ask to be taken off this planet and given a new assignment.

The whole game we’re playing needs to pick up pace. People need to dig in and begin shouldering the task that lies ahead of us or my interest will fade.

We’re playing altogether too small as a race, as a planet, for me and my liking. And I can’t stand it.

I cannot wait any longer – not for the galactics or the celestials or the ascended masters – but for us to begin.  Begin what? To begin addressing the unworkability around us and turning it into workability. I don’t know what else to advise anyone more specifically than that. Look around you and see what isn’t working and address it. But for heaven’s sake, let’s begin.

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