Fifteen days. Sixteen days. Seventeen days and waiting for the big events.
I experience time as stress, dissonance, impatience. I’m ready to jump out of my shoes for waiting. And what’s worse is that I feel I can’t let on about it because, hey, evidently I signed up to promote or at least chronicle this whole scenario. I need to have a stiff upper lip and push my way through these times of seemingly being in suspended animation. I can’t be seen as impatient.
No so. It’s as tough for me to wait this time out as it is for you.
We each have our own practice, discipline or home remedies for it. I can only share what I’m doing.
I’m using this time to explore the center, that mystical, endlessly rewarding area of our being that holds for us all promise and reward.
How many of the masters said to follow the middle path, seek yourself in the center of your being, look for yourself in your heart, and so on? How many spiritual texts talk about the many bodies built up around the center of our being which, as Jesus said the other night, is at essence light?
I look upon my many lives (as many as you’ve had too) as being essentially an adding of one body to another, like a pearl. And all of what I’m doing now is shedding one body after another on the return Home, on the return to the center.
No matter what you think of these times, or the journey of this life, it remains only a chapter in a longer story – the story of a leavetaking of the prodigal child from Home, a wandering in the world, a growing up, and a triumphant returning Home – wiser, realized, and blissful.
This is not just a voyage of discovery, but a passage from total unknowing to total knowing. It’s a journey through portal after portal, the one we approach being simply one of them and, for most of us here, not the first we’ve passed through.
And whereas our travels in the world are extensive, this inner journey is intensive. It requires finer and finer distinctions of what we tend to regard as a finite point, which is in reality an infinite kingdom – call it what you will – the Kingdom of Heaven, the Kingdom of the Heart, the inner Self, the God within.
I sink down into it. I return to it again and again. I hold myself to it. I follow the middle way, deeper and deeper into the center. I explore the outward paths less and less every year and more and more the inward place in the center where I know “I” live.
And as I move deeper and deeper into it, I become more adult, more measured, more of all I truly am. There is no waiting in that center. There is nothing lacking. There is in reality no leaving it. All that I seek outside is to be found there. And all I want, all I desire is waiting for me. I am waiting for me. There.