Prior to the Meeting
- People create their intention for the meeting.
- They state the issue to themselves in the clearest possible, essential terms.
- They come to the meeting dedicated to flattening the issues involved.
- Both parties look to see if they have any vasanas operating
- Presenting issues usually have much less to do with the present than they do with the past.
- Until and unless the drivers behind the issue are seen, much of the force of it is not a matter that others should be compensating for
Matters to Avoid During the Meeting
1. Avoid concentrating on what happened the last time; concentrate on what you want to see happen the next time.
2. Notice and stand back from the desire to take credit for a successful past outcome or to excuse, deny or justify yourself on an unsuccessful past outcome.
3. Avoid all sidebarrring (gossiping about the other person, talking about them, behind their back).
At the Meeting
- An invocation is offered
- The participants and mediator state their intention for the meeting.
- Both parties are asked to speak to the mediator, rather than to each other
- Both parties listen but no statements are made directly to the other party, eliminating the possibility of sending messages, even unconsciously, through significant looks and gestures. tttttThe possibility of triggering a vasana of submission or fear is also eliminated.
- The presenter (i.e., the person with the issue) is allowed as much time as needed to state the issue and its background.
- The respondent is also given as much time as they need to respond.
- The presenter is asked to boil the issue down to one sentence or a few sentences
- The respondent is asked if the issue is clear and if they have a counter-statement of it.
- Both parties are asked what the principled is that the issue relates to and that would be consulted to see if a proposed solution is workable.
- Both parties are asked what their condition of satisfaction would be that signals the issue has been resolved
- Both parties are asked to state what they would like to see happen going forward; i.e., what solution to the issue they’d like to see.
- Both parties are consulted as to whether a suggested resolution captures the accepted principle and meets their conditions of satisfaction; if it does not, a counter proposal is sought.
- The discussion goes back and forth until there is no more issue left.
- Inquiry is made into any residual feelings.
- The person with residual feelings is hear.
- Inquiry is made into whether any further action is needed.
- If not, a request is made for any undelivered communications.
- Once both parties are complete, acknowledgments are made and thanks are given
- The meeting is adjourned.