Thanks to Janine.
My Ancestors Sent Me to Apologize
Matt Kahn, All for Love, n.d.
The words you are about to read are fulfilling a desire I’ve had since I was a child.
From a young age, I’ve always been a lover of culture far before I knew what that word meant. I always had an interest in the living rituals and practices of what seemed foreign without ever feeling threatened by something unknown. The unknown never felt intimidating or scary, it actually felt magical. From falling in love with middle eastern cuisine that a childhood friend’s mother would cook for us and having a chance to perform with the first AME church gospel choir during a post LA riot peace rally, to visiting churches, temples, and mosques in far off countries, I have had the privilege of being exposed to the beauty of diversity that is woven throughout the oneness of life. None of this makes me better than anyone else. It merely helped to cultivate a perspective where my spiritual aspirations would remain grounded in a loving responsiveness for our global humanity.
“I have had the privilege of being exposed to the beauty of diversity that is woven throughout the oneness of life.”
While many of you know me in current times by the spiritual role I play at events and on YouTube, there is very much a human being dwelling in this form, no matter how profound my insights and experiences ever become. I have never been too awake to be human and it’s something I pride myself in. Throughout our evolution, it is absolutely essential to never be more awake than we are compassionate. In fact, anytime the insights of awake awareness bypass the innate response of compassion, it is an obvious sign of a spiritual ego. As a way of grounding our expanded insights with the grit of compassion in action, it is important to never look away from the horrors and tragedies plaguing our fellow humans. Especially since the gut-wrenching response that may initially overwhelm and paralyze our innocence inevitably becomes a spark of inspiration bringing justice, harmony, salvation, and equanimity to communities and countries both near and far.
Ever since childhood, I found myself inspired to interrupt the behavior of bullies, even if it meant becoming their next target. It was absolutely instinctive to act as the voice of descent whenever others were persecuted for their race, gender, body type, or physical challenges. Perhaps like you, I have always been the defender of the underdog. Someone who is compelled to listen to the battle cries of the voiceless. One who has always been willing to help balance the scales of opportunity for the underprivileged. Someone who is eager to shine a light of awareness wherever shadows may lurk; but instead of oppressing the oppressors, my instincts have always been to assist in the healing of those who hurt. I’ve intrinsically felt that I have way more love in my heart than I have fight in my body, so I naturally lean towards the direction of feeding the hungry and transforming the victim.
On some intangible level, I have always known the healing of the victim to be a vibrational way in which each perpetrator gets called into consciousness, to answer for their indiscretions and enter the reformation process where every sick and twisted “villain” is destined to be tomorrow’s hero — no matter how many lifetimes are needed to complete the journey.
From the moment I became aware of hatred and the many ways it is used to harm and suppress the wellbeing of others, I found myself wrestling with a mixture of emotions. It’s difficult to feel connected to attributes of our human experience, such as gender, skin color, and religious background, when opening our eyes to the cruel and primitive ways in which many of our forefathers have acted. It’s hard to feel a part of the group you appear to belong to when how such characters have historically acted seems lightyears away from the consciousness coursing through your being. And yet, in the reality of life, I am a long lost member of a tribe, who walks this Earth having to answer for the crimes of discrimination caused by those who came before me.
This is why I am writing these words. It is to fulfill a desire that has lingered in my heart since childhood. That desire has always been to apologize to anyone who has ever been hurt or damaged by the actions of another human being. It is one of the ways in which I embrace my sense of social activism. To me, the word activism is a willingness to remain active and as equally willing to support the wellbeing of others as we are eager to expand ourselves.
It would be so easy to shrug off history, as if it’s “not my problem” if I don’t remember personally being a part of it. And yet, the Source I AM that I serve has put me in a body that is connected to a history of hurt that my consciousness has an opportunity to help heal in others. This doesn’t occur by looking away from hardship, but daring to face forward and offer the gifts of respect, reverence, generosity, acceptance, love, and compassion that my ancestors didn’t have the awareness to show our fellow man and woman.