(Concluded from Part 1.)
I’ve found a few of my vasanas, chiefly Father Hatred, to go very, very deep and to color everything I say, think, feel, and do.
I don’t kid myself any longer that I’ll necessarily get to the heart of it the next time I process it any more than I have in the past. But I believe that I must keep circling around it until I get it.
Please notice that I said “circling around it.” This is where the study of vasanas ties into the study of spiritual evolution.
If you wonder why the spiritual circle we follow from God to God is also a spiral, (1) it’s because of what I just said.
As we move forward in time, we keep circling around the same karmic lessons (vasanas) lifetime after lifetime until we get them. If you can visualize what this’d look like – a body moving forward through time while circling around its axis – you’ll find you’re describing a spiral.
The journey of life from God to God is, therefore, during the time we spend in matter, mater, Mother, a continuous spiral in which we encounter our unlearned lessons.
You’ve watched me “complete” my vasana of Father Hatred several times in the past. At one time I superficially forgave him. Then I forgave him at a much deeper level. Then at a much deeper level than that. Then I actually saw how his life must have been in WW2 and earlier and felt compassion for him.
But here I am today and the dominant factor in how I feel so many moments of so many days remains a really subtle, subterranean form of Father Hatred.
That shows how deep vasanas go.
In my case, what confused me for so many years was that I had a vasana but I was also dissociated – I had two personalities.
One side of me was off-balance, easily-triggered, angry, tense, suspicious, hostile. The other side was regretful, afraid, insecure, unstable, and dismayed.
Some time ago I saw the fact that I awoke every morning feeling dismayed that I’m still here. Nowadays that has passed and I now awake every morning feeling hostile. I see that I’m now completing a second side of me.
Once I saw that the confusion arose from not factoring in dissociation, one more piece of the puzzle fell into place and I felt more release.
So you can see me working away, day in and day out, completing this aspect of a vasana or raising that aspect to awareness. The work seems endless but I also know that there’s significant brush-clearing and space-creation happening as a result, even if I don’t get to the very bottom of the most persistent vasanas.
That’s my report, my narrative, my story, to add to the growing ethnography of Ascension – in this case, the ethnography of the obstacles to enlightenment.
What I’d like to see some day are these skills being taught in school. Everywhere in the galaxy.
(1) See “Spiritual Evolution: The Divine Plan for Life (Reposted),” Mounting the Spiral and Eradicating the Barriers to Self-Knowledge,”