Kathleen reminded me that a day before Tanga wrote in, I had invoked the universal laws of change, transmutation, and elimination, to rid myself of a long list of unwanted feelings – shame, guilt, humiliation, etc.
She suggested that what happened as a result is probably just what I asked for.
The synchronicity is uncanny.
I could also choose to see this inner maelstrom as simply the effects of the energies pulling stuff out of me.
I could just sit tight and see how I feel tomorrow.
But I learn less that way. I’d rather participate in the deconstruction and reconstruction process.
My starting point, how I feel right now, is nowhere near universally loving. The extended period of transformative love after my heart opening (Mar. 13, 2015) is a distant memory.
I feel tired overall, in desperate need of a rest, which I’ll have, after the Reval. I feel a little grumpy, tired of the never-ending workload.
I feel the need for extended periods of quiet time and solitude. I want to spend a lot of time in stillpoint these days. Not even lying at the beach. Simply stillness.
I continue to go forward on the premise that the natural, normal Self lies underneath the overburden of vasanas (core issues) and the conditioning that grows out of them.
I may not feel universal or transformative love at the moment. But I know it’s down there, underneath the rubble of vasanas that’s been triggered.
What are the barriers I find – the overburden, the large stones – to the experience of universal love?
The Mother often talks about clarity. For us to be clear, we have to have cleared a space by transcending our vasanas (or core issues) and their associated residue (our conditioning). If we’re on the frontier and we want to build a house, we have to first clear the brush. If we want to create clarity, we have to clear the brush in the mind – the vasanas.
When the mind is not chattering away, we have that windless place that Krishna referred to. That is the space of a clear mind – also a still and silent one.
I see everything that has just come up as a wonderful opportunity, as Kathleen pointed out, to watch all the hatred in my life, all the residue from us-against-them encounters throughout life rise to the surface, available to me to experience and let go of.
And what is left in the space is clarity. I am that clear space. I’m also the noisy space, but you wouldn’t know it. In this clear space, the natural, normal Self begins to stir.