Written a few days ago, before more recent news.
Something happened to me today, which I’m tempted to call a cosmic tipping point.
A cosmic tipping point is any major shift in values or consciousness.
One moment our lives are determined by what’s going on outside of ourselves. The next moment it’s determined by what’s going on inside. Usually it’s triggered by a sudden realization.
An illustration might be: One minute we’re only deconstructing and demolishing. The next moment we’re creating and building.
When it arose for me today, I had to surrender in the face of it.
I crossed the river from a cosmic no to a cosmic yes. From (1) “no” to life, no to my circumstances and everything associated with me is not “it” to (2) “yes” to life, yes to my circumstances, everything is “it,” and I have the great privilege of being an equal part of “it.”
What the fuss is all about is my adaptive conditioning to play the whiner and complainer in the family – the youngest of the roost and the one most often ignored. So I’d put a stick in the wheel and bung things up until I was paid attention to.
That’s an ingrained habit pattern that’s been with me since I was probably five. I promise now to stop responding to the pattern when it plays and to respond with kindness or love in its place.
***
But let me return to my story. I’d seen today that no matter how vigilant I was, I still continued to whine and complain almost automatically. It was such a deeply-embedded habit that I didn’t know how I was ever going to get over it.
It seemed like such a drag on everyone’s consciousness that I began asking friends to call me on it.
By doing that, I was making it public. I was “calling myself on it.” I wanted things to move faster for myself.
I’m frankly tired of the snail’s pace at which so much of growth happens. I want more of the breakthroughs. And that comes from telling the truth at ever-deeper levels.
Having made it public raised the stakes for me and I now got up to promising myself, no matter what the circumstance, that I’d stop the moment I found myself complaining.
As I said a while back, I’m now leading the life I want to live – a monk-like existence in Paradise Valley. Facing away from the city toward the sea, I can forget that the city is there.
There’s no need to continue complaining and there’s precious little to complain about.
I can afford to feel satisfied. Even if my situation lasts only a few months, I’m leading the life I wanted to live now.
While there may remain desires for small and everyday things, there are no discernible desires for anything greater. I am where I want to be, in all respects.
And now I intend to take advantage of the benefits that all of this carefully-planned stage management has made available to me to meditate, walk, and sink down ever deeper into myself.
