By Jenny Dixon
Hi Steve and the GAOG team,
I have only recently discovered your site after searching for spiritual updates one day to see if others are feeling the same. I really hear you! Each day I seem to be turning further and further inward, finding more layers, seeing how the outside is mirroring everything.
These are amazing times. In an hour we seem to be unpicking the tapestry that has taken aeons to weave. Every few days we are unravelling more layers to reveal more of our true essence and radiant light.
Back in 2005 I wrote on my business cards “Align the Heart and Mind”. This morning I viscerally felt this happening.
During the last New Moon I heard a voice in my head say, “I am afraid of losing control.” Today this voice said, “I don’t know who I am anymore. I surrender.”
Who is this voice I wondered. Is it the ego? My masculine self? To whom does it want to surrender? The feminine? The heart?
I suddenly felt that there is nothing to lose in this surrendering. As the mind allows the heart to merge, like lovers, there is an expansive gain of the gestalt Whole, the light floods in and fills the void.
I am 51 years old and never married. From a young age I knew I would face an odyssey ahead that would require focus, and it would be a solo journey. It has taken most of my life.
I can also see that I feared losing myself in a union with a man, the outer reality has always reflected the inner beliefs. I can see it all so clearly now.
On the afternoon of Monday March 13th, I was digging in the garden of my mind, wondering why I have created so many opposites of what I truly want. Everywhere I looked I was manifesting the opposite:
I wanted perfect health, I created cancer; I wanted to be light of body yet I continue to overeat; I would like love yet I am alone; I want sovereignty yet I am a tenant; I want wealth yet my finances are dwindling.
I saw that my subconscious has been doing all it can to protect me, from a place of love – that came through strongly during the New Moon.
The big discovery on the 13th was that from the very first incarnation, I felt, along with all humanity, that I wasn’t equipped with enough skills, resources, support, love and on it goes, to survive.
And so it has been this struggle across the ages. This is the polarity and duality. The belief we don’t have enough to survive versus the reality we already have all we need to thrive.
This old belief, this old program, has pinched off the flow of love, joy, happiness, health, wealth, freedom. It underlies all wars, famine, poverty, injustice, mistrust, abuse, deceit, violence and corruption.
We have the opportunity to write a new program of plenty, we have it all, we are fulfilled, abundant and free. I feel we are collectively installing this new program now. It will take a little while to roll out.
Today I felt that my masculine energy had been shutdown during my spiritual journey and my focus has been on the feminine. When I invited my masculine energy to come forward into the light, to be seen, I saw the golden ball like a sun. My solar plexus softened and I felt an ease as the two energies of masculine and feminine faced each other, both so necessary, to make up the whole. The power, strength, identity, willingness to make a difference and shine, along with the nurturing, loving, caring, creative part. I = Masculine, Existence, building, strength. AM = feminine Being.
I can see how you feel about control but when we all see the same vision we wish to create, we will all come together to build it.
I just felt like writing to say I really understand what you are posting recently, and I am going through it all too. I think time is linked to the soul’s evolution, we are evolving quickly now and so time is speeding up.
I have written a fictional series about my journey. The link is here if you feel inclined to take a peek.
Thank you for all that you are sharing and contributing.