The emergence felt like a fiddlehead fern unfurling itself. It was as if my body unfurled itself. I felt taller. I felt straight, for the first time in my life. All very new and strange.
I think I may have said this before but Franklin Merrell Wolff’s term, “high indifference,” comes to mind to describe this space. (1) But I’d be redefining it if I applied it to my context.
I simply mean a state of such completion that I’m both indifferent to the ordinary demands on a person and absorbed in the state of being I’m in. I’m not aware of any vrittis or waves in the mind. I feel no impulsion to act on anything.
I was writing about spiritual ego recently. What’s the difference between exaltation and spiritual ego?
There’s not the slightest taint of ego in exaltation.
Exaltation and awe go together, like the front and the back of the hand. Yes, I’m beginning to see it now. The more we see and know of ourselves and creation, the more in awe we are of the Creator and the more that knowledge burns the dross from us. Eventually our awe, our amazement at what we see and feel brings us to the state of exaltation.
Therefore exaltation for those who’ve known a great deal of themselves and the Creator is a natural state. As I sit in that state, I feel nothing unnatural about it. There’s no desire, no goal. The state is complete in itself, in every way. What could be more natural than us when we’re totally complete?
I’ve felt this way before, I see, in summertime. I’ve felt it when I was away at a lake cottage, sitting on a wooden garden chair on the dock, on a warm, sunny afternoon. In a time of peak relaxation, amid the most favorable and desirable of circumstances, I’ve felt this state, not knowing what it was.
My mind is absolutely still. There’s no impediment observable in my breathing. Everything is as it should be.
This state is very stable. I feel both neutral and enveloped in love. I have no self-consciousness. I have no desire to look a certain way or make an impression on anyone.
I feel a part of my surroundings. My consciousness has expanded to take in the setting I’m in. Now love is flowing but again this state is so stable that it isn’t subsumed or dissolved by the love.
I am dissolved by it however. It’s as if the state is one thing and I, the actor, am another. The state is objective to myself, like a plane or dimension would be to the afterlife traveller.
Yes, that’s it. I’m aware that I’m in a dimension right now. We’re always in a dimension. But in 3D reality, we’re seldom aware of it. I’m now aware of the dimension I’m in. It’s up to conscious awareness.
That dimension is both internal and external to me. When I experience it as external, I feel love. When I experience it as internal, I feel bliss. Neither budges me from the stable and persistent state of exaltation itself.
There aren’t waves of bliss in this state. It’s more like an infusion, a spray of bliss. What would have been a gossamer wisp on another dimension is here more divinely substantial.
Now I feel myself blissing out. I’m losing the ability to continue.
Here I am, having ducked into Starbucks to record this state, and I’m deep in meditation.
I know I’m being used as a testbed. All this meandering through states is very exciting. Much more exciting to me than visiting the stars.
(1) See “Enlightenment – The High Indifference” at http://goldengaiadb.com/Selections_from_the_Teachings_of_Franklin_Merrell-Wolff#Enlightenment_-_The_High_Indifference.