For me, those in opposition to same-sex marriage need to consider just one simple question, just one simple way of life: Do they love one another? Or do they hurt each other? Love has no gender identity. It matters not if a man loves a man, if a woman loves a woman, or if a woman loves a man (and vice versa).
Of course, ideally it is best for people to actually “get it,” that love …is love …is love –no matter what external parts. But if for whatever reasons (religion, homophobia, self-hate, or possibly unable to face their own feelings toward the same gender) that people seemingly cannot get over the issue of “same-sex,” then at the least they need to be honest: Do these two people that you are condemning love one another? Are they good for one another? Do they respect one another with gentleness, compassion, and humility? Do they empower one another and lift each other up?
Furthermore, people against same-sex marriage could do themselves a favor and honestly answer these very same questions (prior paragraph) about their own relationships …because that’s really what it boils down to. If we are unable to love, forgive, respect, and accept our own partner, and especially …unable to love, forgive, respect, and accept ourselves, then how can we love, forgive, respect, and accept those living a lifestyle different from our own? It’s not going to happen.
This is where I think our work needs to begin – not by condemning others who choose a different life path, but rather by identifying why someone else’s decisions are making us so mad, uncomfortable, and uneasy. Therein lies our emotional work, our consciousness expansion, and our spiritual awakening. Therein lies respect for others and acceptance of others, but only at the cost of genuinely respecting and accepting Oneself –all parts of Oneself, particularly those parts that stay well-hidden, those which rule, govern, and unconsciously control our behaviors, our thoughts, and our feelings.
As I previously mentioned, among the reasons that people may not accept, much less support, the LGBT lifestyle may be due to religious doctrine. Growing up Roman Catholic, I was programmed to believe that homosexuality was “the work of the devil.” I’ll be painfully honestly: I’m extremely embarrassed and horrified to admit that, and yet, that’s what we were taught as impressionable naive kids growing up in the ’70s! Of course, today I do not believe that at all. But sadly, that mentality continues to be perpetuated by those still believing such hurtful and ignorant nonsense.
“‘It’s at the core of the Catholic faith, and to imagine how we are going to succeed in our country unless we have committed family life, a child-centered family system, is hard to imagine,’ [Jeb Bush] said on Christian Broadcasting Network’s ‘The Brody File.’ So, irrespective of the Supreme Court ruling — because they are going to decide whatever they decide, and I don’t know what they’re going to do — we need to be stalwart supporters of traditional marriage.” (1)
I guess everyone chooses their side, what to believe …what not to believe. I wish those who oppose all facets of inequality could or more specifically, would, open their eyes, open their minds, open their hearts to understand that everyone simply wants to live in peace. As long as people are loving others, and not hurting others, what does it matter “how” we live our lives? Let me go on record now stating that a winning slogan for Presidential candidacy for 2016 would be: “Respect All. Accept All.”
Speaking of candidacy for 2016, it seems Hillary Clinton has switched sides! “As a candidate in 2008, Clinton opposed same-sex marriage, supporting the idea of civil unions instead…. As recently as a year ago, Hillary Clinton was sparring with a public radio host about her position on same-sex marriage, defending her past reticence to discuss the issue and falling well short of full-throated support. Now, in a markedly new position, Clinton is offering just that, calling gay marriage a right afforded by the Constitution. ‘Hillary Clinton supports marriage equality and hopes the Supreme Court will come down on the side of same-sex couples being guaranteed that constitutional right,’ said Adrienne Elrod, a Clinton spokeswoman. This is an entirely new position for Clinton.” (2)
Oh, and by the way… “bravo!” to Supreme Court Judge, Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Not only is she public about her support for marriage equality, but she’s actually officiated two –yippee yahoo! “But the most glittering moment for the crowd came during the ceremony. With a sly look and special emphasis on the word, ‘Constitution,’ Justice Ginsburg said that she was pronouncing the two men married by the powers vested in her by the Constitution of the United States. No one was sure if she was emphasizing her own beliefs or giving a hint to the outcome of the case the Supreme Court is considering whether to decide if same-sex marriage is constitutional,” wrote New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd. (3)
Just like Justice Ginsberg and millions of us who are “pro-choice” in all equality and human rights issues, advocating the option to choose our own life partner through the sacred union of marriage, the country of Ireland has officially chosen their side. “The land of St. Patrick has said Yes to gay marriage. And it’s the first country in the entire world to do so by popular vote…. Given this tectonic shift in attitudes towards marriage, it’s going to be harder and harder to insist that it be limited to just a man and a woman…. But this referendum was about more than just the right to marry. Much, much more. It was the manifestation of a social revolution that’s been simmering away in Ireland for some time.” (4)
Not only is this viewpoint simmering in Ireland, but it’s very much simmering in North America, and in countless countries across our beautiful world. So why does change take so darn long to occur in this world, especially when the people are asking and even demanding such change? Boy, if I knew that answer…. But seriously, of course I have my assumptions, but change for the better should not be so hard, nor take so long. Progress, change, evolution …is the fundamental constant in all of life –even ask Charles Darwin (wink, wink).
According to the proponent of “natural selection,” our Supreme Court needs to support gay marriage, considering this theory proposes we are continually evolving and growing. As Judge Ruth Ginsberg highlighted, our Constitution genuinely supports individual freedoms and basic human rights to “choose.” So why is this even a debate? How can some members of our Supreme Court support human rights and one even participate in officiating, while some others do not?
“In two and a half hours of arguments over whether the Constitution guarantees same-sex couples the right to marry, Justice [Anthony M.] Kennedy sent conflicting signals. At some points, he seemed wary of moving too fast and torn about what to do. But his demeanor was more emotional and emphatic when he made the case that same-sex couples should be permitted to marry. He is also the author of three landmark opinions expanding the rights of gay Americans.” (5)
I certainly understand that not everyone wants said changes. Yet in my understanding, that’s exactly what a democracy is all about, respecting each other. Whether we are loving or hurting, loving or harming, or loving or hating — it is all the same: That which is in opposition to love is disrespectful, and separates us. Hurting, harming, and hating are all on the same spectrum of emotion: Fear. Fear and separation do not win out in this cosmic phase of Unity Consciousness, which arrived on December 22, 2012.
Opening this dialogue, I asked opposers to same-sex marriage the question: “Within their own marriage, do same-sex partners love one another?” I’m thinking maybe I should have opened this story greeting the opposers with “Do YOU (opposers) love one another, or do you somehow disrespect your own spouse –consciously or unconsciously?”
The reason I say this is that many of us have underlying hurt, guilt, and shame that we have not yet addressed. As such, this definitely affects how we feel about ourselves and how we treat others. Disrespect comes in all shapes and sizes, comes in a myriad of ways –unconscious ways– that we hurt ourselves and our loved ones.
Anger and judgment are very powerful emotions, which can give way to many hurtful behaviors toward others, such as yelling, ridiculing, condemning, belittling, condescending, etc. I know, because over the years when I’ve been emotionally triggered at times, I’ve lost plenty battles with myself by yelling at others and saying hurtful things, often unintentionally and certainly not planned. This is surely nothing that I’m proud of, but there’s something about telling others and taking accountability that deepens the healing process. Because when anger is not in check, it can run rampant within our own psyche …this is how we hurt others, many times unbeknownst to us.
If you are against people loving one another and people being able to celebrate that publicly, regardless of gender, is it possible that pieces of you are hurting and are not in loving? If so, the fact that you cannot accept and love pieces of yourself can easily explain why it’s so hard to accept and love others.
Speak up, and add your voice to marriage equality. Support Marriage Equality (click here).
Across this beautiful world, We Are All One.