As a student of awareness, I know that my proper subject of study is me and, as a journalist, my proper partner for sharing is you.
So let me look at a pattern in my own behavior that I’m investigating in order to let go of.
Everything hid shall be made plain. Why would I want to hide anything that’s only going to come out later? Fear of ridicule, yes. But being free of this stuff is so much more rewarding than fearing ridicule.
I also want to say, if I can talk about these topics, hey, so can others. There’s no need to keep polishing our image when it never worked in the past and won’t work in the future.
The response pattern is called “resist, resent, revenge.” (1) It’s a subtle and yet pervasive behavior pattern in our society.
I see it as one strategy in an agenda of desire and control. The person who employs it usually wants what he (or she) wants when he wants it. And he uses control to get it.
I wager that most 3D people have tried to use control in some situations, no matter how subtly. Many people were just better at it than others and never got called on it.
The one who controls expects others to bend to the service of his (or her) desires. This pattern is usually associated with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and self-servingness in most explanations.
The person who chooses this pattern opts for a lack of self-control coupled with a desire to control others. Left unchecked, it develops into an inflated sense of entitlement and an almost infantile tendency to demand. It’s the epitome of Third Dimensionality.
I notice that I don’t derive the resistance pattern from just one parent’s modeling but from both. When I want to control, I take a plank from any abandoned structure I can find. It’s the valuing of control that’s the family legacy.
And the legacy of most families at that time. I’d lay in bed at night listening to the neighbor smack his kid and it was way worse treatment than I got.
While I’m in the grips of this pattern, I feel all the emotions attached to it – irritation, anger, separation, angst, hatred, vengefulness, etc. And I justify what I do by pointing to the feelings. I feel irritated so it’s OK that I act objectionably. If I feel bad enough, then anything goes.
I was going to say “within reason” but that’s the whole point. How far one goes in their quest for control is the critical question in our society. Some people are grumpy old farts; some people are opportunistically violent; some people are sociopaths. All of them have this pattern.
How far anyone went in our 3D society was always what needed to be predicted. Many television programs are aired about people who failed to predict well.
My defence when I used this pattern was what Eric Berne called “Look What You Made Me Do.” (2) You made me mad. You made me anxious, etc. No personal responsibility here and hence no personal power.
When I’m running this pattern, I’m betting on the wrong horse.
(Concluded in Part 2.)
(1) The concept comes from Werner Erhard.
(2) Eric Berne, Games People Play.