I had a vivid dream just after Christmas, which was unusual because I don’t remember my dreams much these days.
I’m going to describe it as an example of how one can use a dream to profoundly influence your life, and to show the kind of transformation that’s possible during this time of great change.
First let me say that I’d felt very odd since probably Jan. 1, which was the end of the 12-day period after 12/21/14 that many have spoken about. I would say that the various “parts” of me have been making themselves known! They have each been speaking up loudly! And that is what my dream was about. I think it was preparing me for this.
It’s been difficult in that it has been confusing and emotionally tumultuous. I feel like I am being buffeted around, and I’m doing this alone. But I haven’t been afraid. I somehow trust the chaos of it!
My dream was this:
“I came upon a close friend outside a house in an urban setting. She was trying to make 2 animals safe: a big cat (leopard or puma) and a puppy. She had the cat on a large chain, but the chain let it walk out onto the street, so it wasn’t safe. She was leaving, and I pointed the danger out to her. She said she didn’t have time to make it safer. I told her I would feel responsible if she left them there, but she said she had to go, and did leave.Small Dog 2
“So I carefully approached the big cat, who seemed friendly, even if wild. It was kind of thrilling to be able to touch it. The puppy was wiggling with love and joy, happy to follow me. It made me smile. I used the chain as a leash and brought both animals into a house across the street where something social was happening, and I vaguely knew the people.
“I put the two animals alone, upstairs, and closed the door at the bottom of the stairs. I went looking for something to make a sign with, to tell people not to open the door and let the animals out. I kept getting way-laid by things happening in the social group, and I couldn’t find a way to write a sign. I then realized I had to leave also. So I did leave, hoping they would be safe.”
When I woke up, I wondered how I could think anything in this world was more important than being with two such beautiful and sweet beings! But I was caught up in the drama of the world and didn’t think they were as important.
I spoke to each part of my dream and asked them who they were. I realized each one was a part of me. My friend was my busy thinking mind and my self who gets things done. The leopard is my strength and power just waiting to be unleashed to run free. And the puppy is my joy and love for the world which is also just waiting to be expressed to the max!
The “busy” me, caught in the drama of the world, is the one who “wins” in my life, and I lock the other 2 up. But they are not well locked up. They could come out at any time! And then I’d feel very vulnerable!
In the meantime I’d been having experience after experience of either judging myself or being afraid of someone else judging me, and I really got to see what I call my “slave driver.” She’s so desperate and afraid of something going “wrong” that she keeps the other parts of me on a tight rein of harsh rule and criticism. The child or puppy in me feels brutally hurt and withdraws. The leopard is leashed whenever she tries to express herself.
The other day I just said, “Enough!” And I stopped the reign of the slave driver in favor of what I began to call my “Wise One.” I handed over the reins to her and we’ve been getting used to each other since then!!
The transition has not been easy. My slave driver says from the sidelines, “I told you things would fall apart if I left!” My child was let out to play and she did all the things she was told not to do before. The Wise One let her, up to a point, like a good parent.
But I haven’t been doing the things I think I “should”, that the slave driver would’ve said come first. I’ve felt a little depressed as a result, thinking maybe I’m losing it completely! But when I check in with myself, I realize everything’s fine. I’m just going through a major integration and transition!
I’d say this is all about Freedom. The freedom to be my original divine self and all the parts of that which naturally come up to be expressed. Even the slave driver needs to be incorporated and integrated into the whole, along with the leopard/power and puppy/child. Some things do need to get done, but not at the expense of the child.
The Wise One is now in charge of what is intuitively “right” to do in any moment. It doesn’t always make “sense” in the old way of looking at the world, but it feels right.
So I’m still in the throes of it, getting used to this new way of being. One thing I’m doing is giving myself a lot of love in very concrete ways, holding myself close by holding onto a pillow, and saying, “I love you.” out loud. It seems to be important that the love be felt physically, it sinks into the unconscious better that way. The slave driver had not allowed this to this extent before. It was “silly”.
As Matt Kahn has recommended in his latest interview, 1-5-15 at Your Wealth Revolution, I’m also saying the words to myself I have always wanted to hear. “I embrace the bright, spontaneous child in me with love and joy, seeing how beautiful she is!” (Your words to your child may be different than mine.) I was amazed at how effective this was! The child in me has perked up and is very happy every time I do so! I’m getting my joy and spontaneity back!
I’m also unleashing my power by writing down my process and sharing it openly. By doing so, I discovered that several friends were going through a very similar life changing transition. We’re in this transition together, all over the world. We’re not, any one of us, alone in it.
I’m also embracing the “messiness” and chaos of Life as perfect and as having great purpose. I’m letting go of having to understand all of it! I’m seeing it all as “richness” instead, and trusting that it’s all in the hands of the Divine. I’m not finished with this transition by any means, but I’m surrendered to the process, and in some ways enjoying it!
Opening the Gift of a Dream, by Victoria Markham, http://victoriamarkham.com