I wrote her back saying that I could identify with most of wat she says here. And, as a matter of fact, many of the people that Kathleen and I have visited along the way might also have said much of what she says here. So I asked her if I could post her email….
Good morning! This may be a bit of a rant, and I apologize and certainly you have my blessings to discard this email; however, I feel an intense need to put voice to those of us who are ascended gatekeepers, and/or light workers, and/or forerunners, etc., who find themselves devoted to this path and yet frequently not resonating with so much of what is posted on the few highly regarded sites we frequent (and yet resonating so much that it is the only family I feel I have).
This is not a disbelief but a wondering of where we may fit in, being such “edge workers” always solitary in the physical world. This is my voice, and perhaps it will speak for some others. Or perhaps it is also a message of hope.
I am a solitary person, and always have been. I played the “role” of overachiever, straight A student, cheerleader, etc., in order to be accepted and loved by my own family, never feeling I fit in anywhere and never having close friends. Art was my solace when I was young, that and hiking the many acres of forest we lived on. Sadly, I gave up my art after a poor grade in middle school.
The trauma I experienced growing up is not the story here. I think all of us here to do this work have taken on wounds to heal, not our own but those of the collective, which we take on as personal. I have now rediscovered art, and am finding my voice again. Much harder, I might say, as an adult.
My path as a loner was also the path I walked on re-awakening and rediscovering my true self. Never having a “group” or single path that I followed, but seeking out what I needed here and there, I soon learned I had a gift for visioning and throughout the past many years have slowly sought my way back home. I am an avid seeker, it is the sole purpose of my existence, the driving force of what gives my life meaning. I can connect daily with All That Is, the field of unknowing and the web of all creation.
Words cannot describe this experience, but do it often enough and it redefines this existence. I was told many years ago I was a gatekeeper, and had absolutely no idea what that was. Now, I understand that it is my role to walk between realms. This not only is a blessing, but also a huge challenge. There are times when my work is ecstatic connection, and oftentimes I sense I am doing work in a “place” that changes.
I do not seek these experiences. These deeper connections seek me out, and I surrender to them, being called. I sense many others with me when this is being done, and often I can simply reach out with my hands and all of us connect. There is true love there, and it is always available to those of us solitary light workers who often feel alone.
Then there are times like the past several weeks when the gatekeeper role seems more of a transmuting and release of chaotic collective consciousness energies and this feels quite unsettling. I get agitated, frustrated and have to really be patient to find my center and balance. This energy of late surrounding the eclipses has been the most intense I have yet experienced and this of course finds me in a living situation where I am unable to find appropriate quiet to reconnect. I feel like I am about to go out of my mind. Soul weary beyond belief.
There is so much talk about manifesting, abundance, prosperity, new roles, working on projects, etc. It is hard for someone like me, and I am thinking others out there, to read all of this and wonder, where do I fit in? NONE of that resonates. Then the little voice tells me, it’s not my role. Just be. I am here just to be.
I love peace, beauty, flowers, my pets, the land, the water, and have great compassion and a true wish for humanity to find joy. I love art, music, gardening, anything creative and artistic. Our gift to the New Earth is in our inner work and our creating. And yet we feel guilty we are not “doing” enough….let that go, just BE.
Since a child, I have believed in the incredible potential of humanity to create incredible beauty, a loving, diverse and peaceful existence. And yet the cruelty that I witnessed hurt my heart so much I had to withdraw in any way I could. But now this Eden, this New Earth or Golden Gaia IS HERE NOW! She is EVERYWHERE! She surrounds us, she is within us, we just have to use our higher hearts and eyes to see her.
I know, truly I do, that this is so much easier said than done. I have been told I MUST practice daily becoming nothing, transparent, not here. It feels like allowing the physical body to expand, cell by cell, into a liquid light form so that the true self can be released. I believe this is the new HUman that is spoken of so often.
So with that, I am spent. For one who prefers anonymity, the observer from the hedge, I thank you for the ability to put this out there for whatever it is worth. I cannot tell you enough what your beauty, love and courage does for those of us out here doing the work, in all of its incredible highs and lows!
After we corresponded, Jeanette wrote back again:
Shortly, and I mean minutes, within sending that email, I laid down to take a quick nap, I was exhausted. What I began to experience then was amazing. I must have completely blown out the pipes! What I began to experience was a massive energetic connection with spirit that was practically shouting “its about time!”
I then began to experience wave after wave of that ecstatic-like higher vibrational feeling with what seemed like many, many voices, a sense of singing, light and a coming together. I think this is also what is quickly happening now, a coming together of many of us who have been isolated along with those who have led the front on a more public level into a network. Wow, I was so energized I could not nap! I felt like I had just consumed three cups of coffee! HUGS to you for allowing a place for others to speak!!!