The first I knew about it was that I was unable to feel the ups and downs of emotions. I felt myself more or less stable in the middle. I described it at first as “neutral.” Things that excited me before – the idea of my favorite drink, favorite food, favorite activities – did not appeal to me at that moment.
In fact if someone had tried to get me to engage with them, I would have balked. I felt apologetic because I was acting a little like a stick in the mud and I had to reassure my friends that there was nothing wrong with them but that something had shifted in me.
At the same time I wasn’t unhappy with the way I was feeling. I searched and searched for a word to describe it and finally a word came that fit the circumstance completely. I felt myself having become more “substantial.”
In every way I could feel myself more – not my up-and-down feelings, not my moods, not even errant thoughts. In fact I haven’t had an errant thought in my mind since that event happened. My mind is completely empty. The constant comment, the mind chatter is just not there.
It’s as if a hurricane came along and blew out everything that was not me – all the dust, all the cobwebs, everything extraneous. I feel swept clean.
I have the sense that this experience is not complete and I just wanted to report it and then leave it. But the net impact of it on me is that I feel un-busy, de-complicated, stabilized. It’s a wonderful feeling really and is, I think, a preparatory stage for the release of some inner resource which I sense but definitely cannot describe at this moment.
Perhaps others are having similar experiences….