Being that I’m still in “recovery” mode from this past weekend, I’m still trying to gather my thoughts and feelings of what actually transpired over the magical, transformative three days we spent at the Joshua Tree Retreat.
The initial feeling I had on Friday morning when all 106 of us were in the same room was that it felt similar to a family reunion. You have all these distant uncles, aunts, and cousin’ you have never met (at least in this lifetime) but you still felt that there was a deep connection to them. They are family.
So upon finding my seat at the rear of the building (I chose the same arrangement at last year’s Sedona conference, because it is where I am most comfortable ,since I have been relatively shy most of my life and LOVE to be in “observer” mode) I instantly “recognized” every single person in the room.
I could look at them all and felt that I already knew them or did know them on some deep level. There was an interesting “I know you” feeling from everyone.
Although there were many that were deeply missed – Stephen, Anthony, Blossom, Suzanne & her daughter, Wes, etc. – I felt at ease almost instantly with mostly complete strangers.
At registration we were to pick through several decks of cards (tarot, angel, crystal, etc.) and which ever card we picked, that was the gift we were to bring to the group for the entire weekend. My word was ‘Spontaneity” which is something I am NOT good at given my shy nature.
But I do have my moments of coming out of my shell now and then. Well, this weekend was ALL about coming out of my shell and embracing who I am on ALL levels.
Don’t get me wrong, I highly enjoy being spontaneous and going with the flow at all times. I don’t like having to stick to an agenda. But when I put myself into a position where I am in the spotlight, I either clam up and freeze or I bust out of that shell and give it my all while doing my best to remain humble.
[Steve: This is the Christopher that was beautifully playing the drums for us out under the starlight? Wouldn’t have known it, Christopher.]
The old me was all about being in the shell and not drawing attention to myself, the NEW me has embraced the spontaneity of who I am and I have been empowered beyond my imagination.
Throughout the weekend, this term seemed to keep coming up for me. Through all the many wonderful meditations, channelings, and exercises, I found myself in situations where I had to come out of my shell and embrace the spontaneity of actually not just being the observer at the back of the room but actually ENGAGING with other attendees.
This at first was a little uncomfortable but I knew I was addressing DEEP vasanas so I kept moving forward pushing myself. The more I did this, the more I liked it!
One of the first exercises was to greet others on a deep soul level by looking them directly in the eye, touching two fingers to their heart center, FEELING the connection and then presenting them with your name and your worded gift. I LOVED this exercise since I LOVE feeling the energetic connection to and with others. I am a massage therapist and an energy channel so this was right up my alley.
Except for the going up to total “strangers” part. The first few were a little uncomfortable but after the third person, I was on a roll and flying high wanting to connect with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! Even though I did not get to interact with all 106 participants, those I did connect with, I connected VERY deeply with and so I would just send that thought, energy, and LOVE throughout the room so that I DID connect with everyone.
Friday night we all met out in a darkened clearing so that we could hopefully spot a few rainbow ships. As an exercise in breaking out of my shell, I brought along my drum (hand pan/Hang drum) and a chair and walked over to where everyone was gathered. There was one other person sitting in a chair to relax and it was easier for them to sit vs stand. She was right in the middle of this group of people. I decided to set up right next to her (so I wouldn’t be alone in the center). I figured it would help to bring in the ships if I played a little. The instant I started playing, there was a hush that came over everyone.
Linda said “form a circle!”. So here I look up to find myself in the middle of over 100 people playing my drum surrounded by living beings of light and love! I was overwhelmed, to say the least! And talk about NOT trying to draw attention to myself, I was RIGHT in the MIDDLE of my vasana and surrounded by light and LOVE from everyone seen and unseen alike! It was a very cathartic moment for me.
And I LOVED it! Although, the woman sitting next to me felt a little uncomfortable and tried to get up and join the others in the circle, I said “You stay here with me so I don’t have to be alone” LOL! Then everyone turned so they were facing out and sent that same LOVE out to the earth and stars with so much conviction it was astounding! And yes, we DID see a flash of a light ship, didn’t we, Steve?
[Steve: Ha ha ha! You mean that laser beam from a $3.99 Walmart laser pointer, Christopher? And a flashing rainbow ship. And a huge white light low on the horizon. And some folks in a cabin heard a ship slowly take off above them. Yes, I know. Ships are usually silent. And… But not the show we would have liked, for sure, and no ride on the … wait for it … Neptune.]
The MOST significant change I have felt within and without that I realized on my drive back home to Phoenix is that I have finally embraced the Divine Feminine aspect of myself. Being a gay man, I thought that I was pretty balanced in that respect. But now, I am even more so.
I feel so perfectly balanced since returning. This is an astounding feeling that cannot be put into words but only to say that I feel “complete”. And to bring that “complete” feeling into my meditations, music, massage, emotions, creativity, LIFE, etc is my utmost goal and something that I will attain on a daily, moment to moment basis.
I have embraced the New Me.
THANK YOU to Linda and all the staff for an amazing weekend.
I look forward to the next time we all see each other again.
LIGHT & LOVE!!!!
(I could keep writing but feel I am still processing)