(Continued from Part 1.)
How Vulnerable Am I?
Andrea Scully, Notes from the Center of the Spiral, Sept. 5, 2013
Like I said, I don’t spend much energy these days worrying over whether or not any other being is trustworthy or not. Either they are or they’re not, and the evidence will be there when it needs to be understood one way or the other. The truth is that my level of trust in them has to do with their level of authenticity, for I can trust them to be who they are, and as for the rest, that’s just talking to the mask.
The real issue for me is whether I trust myself. Because I trust myself – and this isn’t based in any way on anything outside of me – my ability to trust is with me wherever I go. I begin all relations with this willingness to trust, and withdraw it only when it is plain there is a need to do so.
I accept the risk inherent in this in my relations, and because I do, no one need be confused by my insisting that they are responsible for whether or not I have the ability to trust them, or life, or anything else for that matter.
This is a stand I take, not only to benefit myself, but also to benefit all who are in relation to me. I understand that others do feel vulnerable, and I accept this too. What I don’t accept is the responsibility for the misplaced fears over who is responsible for anyone’s ability to trust.
I already know from experience that we have all played the victim and projected it onto others, when the deepest truth is we’ve abandoned our own selves, betraying our own trust when we gave this power to another to begin with.
So, again, the question is: Who is vulnerable?
If I’ve done the inner work to heal the betrayal of trust I’ve had with myself at the foundation of all this mess, then the issues of fear and inability to trust are looking completely different than when coming from the stance that the world is a hostile place and I need to be defensive all the time in order to survive.
Taking this even deeper, whose survival is threatened? For those of you who have been following the dialog on the Golden Age of Gaia blog about the constructed self, (2) I propose that it’s this false constructed ‘image for others’ self that is at risk and in fear of its survival.
Because without the need to do the image management shuffle and protect the constructed self, there isn’t any fear. We are who we are, and authenticity removes the need for image management completely.
I’d like to finish this post with some thoughts about the cost of all this unconsciousness playing out in our relations with ourselves and others.
I’d like to say that, at this point, while I have compassion for those who are in fear about defending their perceived vulnerabilities and are image managing to protect their constructed selves, while I understand the process of awakening is happening in its own time for each of us; I’m unwilling to continue to be in agreement with paying the price for the sake of the fear others hold over keeping their image intact.
The price is too dear, as it robs us both of our ability to be balanced, and renders relations anywhere from uncomfortable to impossible. Without the real person showing up to relate with, vital life energies are squandered away for what?
I reserve the right to refuse to spend my energies in this fashion for anyone any more. This looks to me like too high a price to pay for what is essentially fear, and not love.
So, another layer of illusion drops away in my little corner here in the center of the spiral. I have faith that we all have the strength and courage to shed the fears of being authentic, and to give up the constructed self/image management, for if someone like me can do this anyone can.
The benefits are great for all concerned, but they are greatest of all for the Self. Our projected images are highly over-rated anyways. The real beauty is in who we really are. We just need to trust ourselves in this once again.
(2) There are so many articles at Golden Age of Gaia speaking to this. Typing ‘constructed self’ into the search engine on the blog homepage will bring up dozens to choose from.