I bothered everyone I could on Skype and after making a thorough nuisance of myself and still wanting more, I went outside on a gorgeously sunny day.
And again there I was seeing everyone as be-you-tiful! Each perfection of their own type. Big, small, young, old.
And then I saw someone I could not accept. What I judged to be a hard-bitten, wasted drug addict on the bus – and I recoiled.
Tattoos, collapsed features, funny walk, irresponsible attitude of a six-year-old – no, that I shrank from.
That I could not accept. That I resisted. And as I did, I felt tension in my stomach and my entire space shut down.
So I’m not there yet. And I get to see that non-acceptance, resistance, and the stress born of it closes off the space of ecstacy. Here it was in big, bold letters for me to see, no kidding.
I recovered, although it set me thinking. Separativeness is born of judgement and non-acceptance of another, resistance, putting at arm’s length, not loving. And it’s separativeness itself that creates duality. It’s what I do with things that creates it.
Judging is the mechanism by which I separate. The minute I judge another – at least judge them in a way that diminishes them although I think any act of judgment would end up working about the same effect – I create a barrier, distance them from me, and land up in duality again.
I thought of Mata Amritanandamayi and how she judged no one. No, I’m definitely not there yet but I appreciated having that picture in my mind, that standard to aim for.
Once I recovered again, the day was sunny and my smile just would not stop. And I wandered blissfully loving (almost) everyone I saw. And I noticed that my tolerance level has gone up, my ability to abide with another has gone up, everything relating to what I could stand or take or live with has gone up.
There’s no doubt for me that the best indicators of our progress are the internal signs, the evidence of my own state of being. And my own state of being is outrageously great most of the time.
And, yes, I do see it mirrored in those around me. We are all of us coming out of the pea soup of depression and misery, it seems, willy nilly, whether we notice it or not. Be-you-tiful. Beeeee-yooooo-tiful! Outrageously, wonderfully, gorgeously great!
(1) “Everything I Always Wanted,” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2013/07/everything-i-always-wanted/.