I’m going through so many inner changes that I don’t quite know where to start. I imagine I’m not alone in this, though the particularity of the changes, the way we respond, etc., may differ from person to person.
One of the most significant changes I feel is that I’ve passed a milestone at some point, unmemorialized by me. Life’s unfolding has seemed to show me that each day is better than the last and that I can trust life to continue to unfold in much the same promising way.
Life gets better and better, even if there are no necessary outer indications or markers of what’s happening internally. My inner criteria for trusting life have been met somehow and I look forward to the next new day.
As one aspect of this development, what I call “dawning awareness” – whatever it is, whether it’s my guides or some beings who are not my guides but nonetheless work with me or, as my wife suggests, my higher self – have so reliably offered me answers to my questions in the form of ideas that appear in my mind that I feel a certain degree of confidence in speaking and knowing that what I say next will be somehow apropos.
There are many times that I find myself pausing and saying, “Who just said that?” I don’t have the sense it was me. But it does seem like the appropriate next thing to say.
This happened in spades in the recent interview I did with Dr. Dream and Laura Eisenhower. Each new sentence just rolled out, which did not fit my pictures of myself. Those pictures are that I don’t necessarily know what to say next when doing an interview. If I just let go and trust, it seems as if I do know, somehow, these days.
The nearest comparison I can make to it is the movies in which an individual is told to put his foot out into pure space and the ground will be there to receive it. That was a theme in the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. And I saw it in another movie, Scorpion King 2 I think, that I watched for perhaps half a minute just the other day.
It’s as if, if I risk in my speaking, the inspiration will be there to supply the next word. That’s as close as I can come to it.
Another development is that I think I’ve found the modality I’m destined to follow. I think that modality differs from person to person so I’m not saying that I somehow recommend my modality for you. I’m not sure I do. It’s just what seems appropriate for me.
That modality is to go deeper and deeper. My life these days is a process of going deeper and deeper into any one thing. Not to cover it broadly or extensively, but to take any one thing and go deeper with it.
When I do, I feel more and more satisfied. (Please remind me of this because I seem to forget. And remember. And forget. And remember.)
Others might say that their modality is to be more and more loving, or perhaps more and more accepting or compassionate or courageous. I’m not trying to limit anyone. I’m more saying that a channel is opening for me and fairly beckoning me to explore it and that channel is increasing depth of looking.
Still another development is some kind of inexplicable insight into things like social relations. I saw the other day that I and a friend were operating like computers. In the course of any social activity together, we had a range of issues and a range of tolerances associated with any one issue.
Our choice of the next thing to do together was a negotiating process in which both of us expressed our issues and range of tolerances and then reached a choice that seemed to be the best fit, all things considered.
And I watched all this happening in the moment. That’s just one example of what I’m seeing these days. It is a fertile time for the exploration of things and themes.
Another sensed development was that my sensitivity to things appears to be increasing. Every impression I received or thing I saw seemed to have a second dimension to it. I saw a person smile and I sensed that smile as part of a process. Or a person spoke and I felt myself aware of some of the background to their speaking.
I have to add that I’ve never considered myself at all psychic so what I’m describing may be in an area like that and just shows up for me as altogether unfamiliar. I don’t know. So much of what is happening for me is brand spanking new.
There have also been times lately when I felt irresistibly drawn to meditating, where the distinctions I feel I need to make get finer and finer, all the time pointing towards a culminating inner stillness. It may be the mind quieting down or something else. The unfoldment seems to have a mind of its own.
On all levels, I feel inner movement, inner reconstruction, inner reconfiguration.
As a result of developments like these, life is getting increasingly exciting. At the same time, I also feel a hankering in me for something new, for some vista to break wide open, for the next thing. I feel like I’m going to croak if some of the exciting developments that we’re expecting don’t happen at some point soon. Enough waiting already.
Archangel Michael said to a colleague in a reading that the archangels sometimes feel the same way. I nearly fell over laughing when I heard that. I know that he’s been waiting a good deal longer than we have.
At times I feel peevish, like a pregnant woman wanting ice cream and pickles. The usual does not satisfy but I’m not necessarily totally happy with a steady diet of the novel either. I’m just hard to satisfy on some days.
And running through all of this is a steady belief that the most important thing for me to do now and forever is to continue to burrow, deeper and deeper, more and more often, into whatever it is that I conceive of as the center, the heart of things, the essence of everything. Nothing matters to me more, when all is said and done, then going down this eternal rabbit hole, falling and falling and falling into the center.