I’m wanting to make sense of what just happened. But briefly.
The first sense I make of it is that karma in regards to Ascension is neutral. What won’t go through the eye of the needle invites karma to clear it. Intention doesn’t enter the picture, I think.
The second thing I learned is that there’s much more to unfinished business than just vasanas and the constructed act. Transference is not something I’ve thought of before as what I’d think of as an obstacle. It’s forced me to turn up the power of my microscope.
Third, it isn’t just transference that was involved for me. I was so irritated generally as the energies rise that a climax was going to come from somewhere. But it could have been over the generalized anger I’m feeling or any of a number of other elements of unfinished business. It feels like a firsthand experience of the cost of unsourced issues. I feel chastened and sobered by it.
And it’s set me to looking at other areas of my life. I can think of several in which I’ve simply coasted, doing things that may not serve me but thinking it didn’t matter. Will I be blind-sided in those areas as well?
In other areas of my life, I feel justified around my weaknesses and inadequacies – what difference does feeling justified make? If those attitudes and ways of being won’t go through the eye of the needle, I’ll probably have to source them whether I consider myself justified or not.
Here’s an example. Sue Lie assisted me yesterday to see that my generalized anger was related to a seven-year-old’s anger at himself for not having protected his abused mother. That fit with me. But it doesn’t help. Karma doesn’t care: My anger won’t go through the eye of the needle whatever the reasons were for creating it.
I have no idea how to proceed from here. I feel a lot more cautious. The incident has induced me to pay more attention to what the masters are saying because they’re the ones who know what we’re going through.
It’s persuaded me to do more meditating. It’s said to me that I can’t afford to bypass things.
I’ve heard of others who’ve experienced similar eruptions or, as one called it, a “meltdown.” The task at hand – Ascension – requires attention if I and perhaps if we are to comfortably navigate the rising energies.