Getting in touch with our need to control. Thanks to Terry.
What Does a Man Do ?
Stuart, Sacred Camel Gardens, Feb. 10, 2013
If I was a man, naked, without tools or ropes, sticks, whips or techniques, just a man on two feet, naive in the world, what would I do to get a camel, or a horse to like me, to respect me, to want to be with me? How would I go about developing such a relationship with the life around me? How would we arrive at a clear, mutual, understanding? How would love come into it?
You might be a horse, or a camel, a bird, or a woman… you might be another man, or a dolphin…
When I first see you I’m disarmed. I see only mystery and wonder in your eyes. I feel how powerful yet vulnerable you are. I’m drawn… I want to know you.
So, as a man, I walk out into the field where you live and I find a place to sit down. I choose to spend time around you so we can get to know each other. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t bring you anything. I don’t have anything I want to make you do. I don’t even know you. I give you all the space you need. I simply want to be somewhere around you. I sit, and we share time and space.
I come often like this. And sit. And slowly, overtime, we know each other.
Because I have no ropes and we are out in the open field I can never control you. I never want to control you.
If I had a rope and we were tied together how could you trust me, or choose to be with me? How could you want to?
It’s important for me to know that you value and choose this relationship because you like me, respect and trust me. I don’t want to win you over. I want to draw your trust, respect, love, companionship. I don’t look down on you. I see you’re the same as me. Fundamentally the same.
Every moment we’re together is new, spontaneous, not controlled, two beings together, feeling each other, without binding contracts. You are always free to leave. I will always let you leave. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Your spirit must remain free. Only in your freedom can you fully choose.
This is what I want. This is what a man does. He lives without controls. He doesn’t dominate other living things. He has to be willing to be free, himself, guiding but not controlling, inviting but not demanding, giving but not manipulating. This is how he loves and knows you, and serves your heart.
The ropes and chains, corrals and tricks are brought out. They start forcing you into things against your best interests. Very quickly you’re under their control, because they make you feel it is safer to do it their way. And gradually you forget what it is to be a free horse, a free camel, a free human being.
Most of our relationships are not true, whether with animals or each other. We’ve forgotten that we’re free, and we continue to enslave ourselves and each other.
Most men don’t really want to know you as you are.
If I allow myself to know you as you really are I have to change my whole life, my way of being, my need for control. Everything must change. To be a man, a simple, free and true man is a great responsibility. And to see you as you are, to support your free heart, demands great responsibility if I’m to always honor your trust.
My interest has become one of supporting your free heart, developing a free conversation between us, no controls, no mere techniques, no submission to fear and anger. The only expectations are freedom, trust, listening, cooperation, respect, love and letting go into and beyond each and every moment, in the living present.
This is what a man does.
While understanding his moment he guides everyone and everything he meets and knows, toward freedom and the heart.
Until he can do this, he only tries. When he stops resisting, and trying, it happens.