The rising energies have been taking care of a lot of our day-to-day worries and grumbles – at least they have for me. The love that is washing the Earth as each new set of portals opens, the last I think having been on 10/10, is raising our consciousness.
But some key vasanas – some deeply-ingrained habit patterns, sleeping volcanoes or command-value records (as Werner Erhard would have called them) – remain and they’re stubborn and persistent.
To get at these key vasanas is difficult and I imagine some of the more shocking or convulsive experiences we’re having about now are designed to bring them to the surface.
I have one of these deeply-ingrained latent tendencies and I’m watching it continue to play itself out at this time. It feels identical to me. There’s no space between it and me for me to get even the sharp end of a crowbar in. I have no leverage with it. It and I are one, so to speak. Let me describe it perhaps so that we can see how these mischief-makers work.
Every parent has certain things they say to “motivate” their children, to have them “learn a lesson,” etc. Few of them know the results of using these “motivating” techniques. My Dad had one and, in using it, he was no different than our neighbors or anyone else of his generation of the early fifties.
When he wanted me to do something I wasn’t doing to the extent he wished, he would call me a “lazy, no-good good-for-nothing.” It worked but unfortunately it stuck.
All through my life I became a huge producer to prove my father wrong. I’m not trying to take away from my mission in life, just as we all of this generation came here to do a task and have a mission. I’m also not trying to denigrate my capacities. But there’s an element of it all that’s nonetheless robotic, automatic, and is designed to show my Dad that I’m indeed not a lazy, no-good good-for-nothing, to “prove” myself.
Dad isn’t even here any longer. He’s on the Astral Planes having the time of his life exploring. Most people convalesce when they arrive, but not my Dad. The minute he hit the vestibule, though he was 91 years of age and had been in the hospital for the last two weeks of his life, he was off to peek and poke into every nook and corner.
He was definitely never a lazy you-know-what!
But this isn’t about my Dad and it isn’t really even about me. It’s about the same process that everyone faces – the tendency of the mind to take snapshots and require itself to live in reaction to past events and become an automaton to avoid pain and enjoy only pleasure.
So what’s the answer to the rise now of our key vasanas? It’s the same answer that solves all these difficulties. It’s the amazing and poorly-understood solvent called awareness. We think matters are accomplished by effort, strenuousness, physical activity. But spiritual matters like the erasure of vasanas is accomplished by the passive bestowal of awareness on what’s there. Emotional knots are dissolved by the solvent of awareness.
So I’m watching this key vasana, this lifelong determination to avoid being lazy. I’m observing its rise within me and its falling away. I’m bestowing awareness on it and loosening its grip on me. I’m allowing it to come and go, rise and fall, and as I do it relaxes its hold on me.
This is made easier by the love that we’re all simmering in as the vibrations rise around us. And it becomes a labor of love in the face of today’s expanding light and joy. I’m determined to sidestep the need for a shocking or convulsive event to have me loosen this last-remaining but centrally-important vasana from my mind. I’m “being” with it, allowing it, accepting it.
And I’m laughing at myself – the ridiculous picture of me producing reams and reams of paper for so many years. I will move from being the servant of this vasana to being the master of my self. And I’ll move there gracefully and gently. Long live the good-for-nothing who turned around whatever situation those events were meant to address, whatever role they played in my life-contract.
And three cheers for all that came out of it. It was fun and here I am at the end of it all, looking back, and feeling satisfied.