By Dr Suzan Caroll / Suzanne Lie – September 5, 2012
My “new person” decided to go to the group Mess Hall rather than eat alone in my cabin. Little did I know what would happen there? I took my sonic shower, even though I did not want to wash any of the Arcturian energy off my body. However, it was a lifelong habit to bath in the morning, so I did.
While I was in the shower, I wondered how many of my lifelong habits would leave me now. I had no idea that my life would take me to this experience. No wait, I had no CONSCIOUS idea that my life would go this way. But, there was always a “something” that wiggled around in the back of my mind that there was “more.” I had no idea what this “more” was, but the feeling grew as I matured.
Now, I was on an Arcturian Starship, and I had just experienced being inside of an Arcturian. My mind was reeling at the concept of existing inside of another Being, when a small anger began to grow within me. “Where is that coming from?” I asked myself. I pushed the anger away, got dressed and went to the Mess Hall.
As soon as I got there, I knew that it was a bad idea. I looked around at all the “normal” people, at least they were normal to their world, and knew that I did not fit. I no longer fit in my old world, nor did I fit in this world. I looked about the room and wondered how many of them had experienced what I had. Then I reprimanded myself for being elitist. But I didn’t feel better than them. I just felt out of the loop.
How, and with whom, could I share what had been happening to me? On the other hand, how could I keep this all bottled up inside? With that last thought, I began to feel such pressure in my body that I felt like I would burst. NO, I did not want to be so alone. It was hard enough to leave my family, to abandon my Village, to not return home with my crewmates. They would be received as heroes, and I was the one who saved the day!
Where did that arrogant thought come from? Obviously, I was not fit for public life right now. I turned in such a hurry that I bumped into a tall Antarian. When he growled at me, as Antarians often do, I yelled at him to get out my way. I pushed him in a combative way. If he were not the better man, we would have had a fight right there in the Mess Hall.
Mortified by my behavior, I literally ran from the Mess Hall, out the door and through the corridors in a desperate attempt to find solitude. I was so angry, afraid and sad that I never considered returning to my cabin.
“As the Cycle completes, that which is left in the dark must be released into the Light,” came the voice of the Arcturian inside my head.
“Where are you?” I yelled in an embarrassing manner.
Quickly realizing what I had done, I tried to apologize. Unfortunately, only more anger could be found. I did not voice this anger, but since the Arcturian read my mind better than I could, I might as well have screamed it.
There was no answer. I knew that I had not listened to what the Arcturian had already said, so why would it tell me more? I realized that in my fit of “unconscious” anger, I had unconsciously run to the holosuite. Since I was there, I might as well go inside. The same program of Signature Frequencies was running. Actually, I am sure the Arcturian could see in it’s NOW that I would end up here and would need the familiarity of something, even if it was a holoprogram.
I sat down on the familiar rock and pondered what the Arcturian meant by, “As the Cycle completes…” I was aware that a cycle of my life had definitely completed and that I would never be the same person, but why the anger? Well, of course, it was because I felt out of control. As a long time warrior, being out of control was the most frightening thing, and fear had to be transformed into anger if a warrior was to survive.
Perhaps it was the cycle of being a warrior that was ending, for I would never be able to take another life now. Maybe I had to drain out the last remnant of the anger that allowed me to survive the fear that I could not allow myself to feel while in battle?
“Do you still feel angry?” came the voice of the Arcturian inside my head.
My first reaction was to get angry that the Arcturian would not talk to me “face to face like a man!” Of course, there was that combative anger again. The Arcturian was not a “man.” In fact, I wasn’t even sure if it was a humanoid. However, I realized that I did not want to get angry at this amazing Being who was teaching me so much. In fact, I began to feel very remorseful about my behavior, as well as my negative thoughts and uncontrolled emotions.
“It is important to release that which you no longer need,” came the familiar, loving voice.
The concept of not needing fear, anger and sorrow was mind shattering. How would I protect myself without my fear, fight my battles without anger and mourn my losses without sorrow?
“Do you still enjoying creating those aspects of your reality” the Arcturian calmly asked, as if I had a choice.
“You always have a choice,” the Arcturian responded to my thoughts. “YOU are the creator of your reality.”
Wait a minute here, I thought. Did the Arcturian just say that I created the lifetime of war, the endangerment of our Village and the loss of my crewmate? The anger began to rise within me like a firestorm.
I wanted to yell at the Arcturian for blaming me for everything that had happened to my world when I, suddenly, felt a sweet, inner-love wrap around me like a warm blanket. For the first time in my entire life I felt safe, not safe because I was protecting, but safe because I was protected.
“Dear Mytre, this feeling is what you have offered to others. It lies just beneath your anger. After all, how could you give to others what you did not have within yourself?”
“But I thought that feeling of safety came from you,” I queried.
“No Mytre, the safety that you felt came from within yourself. We only amplified that which that which was already there.”
I knew that I felt anger, fear, sorrow and even love. But I had never thought that I had felt safe. With that thought, my mind became filled with images of childhood with my beloved parents. Our world was under attack, but they never let me feel it. They protected me from their fear, their anger and even their sorrow. When they were with me, they always made me feel safe and loved.
I began to sob, not from sorrow, but from gratitude for the wonderful gift that they had invisibly given me. They sacrificed everything to give me what I needed and told me continuously that I was special and that I would do great things one day.
But, while I was away at school yet another bombing killed them. I was so devastated that I forgot about the safety they had given me and replaced it with sorrow, fear and hate. I started sobbing inconsolably when I realized the gift that I had forgotten and who I had become.
“You have become the great, Awakening One that you are in this NOW. Your parents gave you the safety you needed to gain the courage to be a warrior. Now, you must call upon that courage to fight your own inner battle,” spoke the Arcturian.
“However, you will not fight this inner battle with anger and fear, for any emotion that you express is amplified by your expression. Therefore, our dear Mytre, you will fight this inner battle with the unconditional love for your SELF.”
For what seemed like a lifetime, I was silent both in my words and in my thoughts and emotions. This deep silence comforted me and led me to my Core. I had never thought of having a Core, but there it was. It was a place within the Center of my body that was absolutely quiet. There were no thoughts, no feelings, no images – nothing!
There was only the silence of the darkest night before the dawn. I had just relived my darkest night, but it was not yet dawn. I think the Arcturian turned off the holoprogram, for the darkness in the room was as absolute as the darkness in my Core.
Fear wanted to pull me away from this deep, inner-void.
Sorrow wanted to fill it with its unshed tears.
Anger wanted to fight its way into the dawn.
But love – unconditional love – felt safe and could patiently wait for the light.
And so, I waited!