As you know, one of my basic agreements in writing for this blog is now and has always been to go through my work publicly. That comes from a commitment to transparency and derives from foundational work in the human-growth movement.
Transparency eliminates the need for memory. Memory so often simply serves the needs of image management. When we’re not managing our image, preening in front of the mirror, and seeking to look good, we don’t need to keep our story straight.
Transparency maximizes the chances of remaining in the truth, which, as you know, sets us free. It allows oneself to be maximally known. And it produces a glow of joy unto itself, which may be one of the few sources of joy in the circumstances I want to examine here.
Transparency does not mean that I share your confidences or embarrass other people. I don’t gossip. If there’s something I need to clear with you, I do it with you, and not with others. Transparency means that I’m transparent about myself, not about you.
I’d like to share today about a particular side of things, connected with being a lightworker, but more to the point connected with “success” as a lightworker; in other words, connected with being a lightworker and finding that one’s service catches on in some way.
I share as an alternative to just letting go of the trial and effort it is to do this work. My hope is that by sharing I get free of the impediments I’m wrestling with at the present time.
I say “success” in parentheses because success, in my view, is not the aim of a lightworker. Service is. “Success” is only a tangential circumstance – or should be. Extent of service, the degree of “good” that one does, is the only target to be aimed for, as far as I’m concerned.
The indicia of a piece of lightwork having caught on are partly objective, partly subjective. For a blog, the number of hits a day and similar indications often serve. This blog receives on average 60,000 hits a day. That “success” is attributable to all the editors who contribute to it, all the IT personnel, transcribers, graphic artists.
And I mean that to extend to all the contributors from the day it began and not simply those who are with it now. Ryan, Pat, Anne, and many others who moved on have contributed to its success. It could not have reached the level of service it offers, whatever that may be, without their common effort.
“Success” may also be measured by the mentions one receives around the Internet. But it may also be the way people relate to you. It matters not. There comes a point when one must realize and relate to the fact that something one is associated with has caught on. If one does not, one can be rudely caught off guard – and suffer.
As only one person associated with the “success” of this blog, I’d like to share my own personal observations of what “success” can bring. I think one would be foolish not to consider that a service catching on does not have consequences. I’d like to share not because “success” means a great deal to me. It doesn’t. I already have completed for myself and enjoyed almost everything I can think of wanting from life and 3D. I don’t continue because of very much that I’m aware of that somehow “comes” to me.
In the event that one “succeeds,” one encounters a number of barriers or glass ceilings. I’m facing so many at this moment that I share to stay ahead of stress, exhaustion, and writer’s block – which would mean the end of service. I’m on this side of the breakthrough and I share this in part to create the breakthrough for myself.
I also share as a rite of passage, as recognition of being at a choice point. Surveying costs and benefits is one way of choosing whether to go on with service or stop here and say to the Boss, “enough.”
From a physical standpoint, at this moment, I’m going through almost complete exhaustion. I’ve had to cancel all engagements for today, some of which, like a channeling workshop, were dear to my heart. I may have to cancel my plans to go away for a few days.
When I say “almost complete exhaustion,” I mean feeling as if I were drugged, being unable to get out of bed, walking around in a stupor. I don’t say this to cause you worry and I certainly don’t say it to invite a spike in email. Please do not write to offer me condolences or remedies.
I’m having to rethink my participation in most groups I engage with, in line with some of the things that the Boss has said to me which I’m only now starting to understand. In rethinking my participation in things, it isn’t a reflection on any group, though every group may think it is. It’s a matter of necessity. It’s a matter of pacing myself so that I last until the end.
Now you may wonder: how is it that he’s still writing? Well, I’ve discovered that writing can go on under a wide range of circumstances and takes a relatively small amount of energy, compared to other things. So writing seems to be one of the last things that ends for me. But it does end. One can experience writer’s block, at which point it’s all over as long as the blockage lasts.
The first thing I’d like to share is that, when one does “succeed” and attracts attention, one then can be subject to a series of challenges, the first one being criticism. As the years go by, and this blogsite “succeeds,” criticism expands, remarkably. One becomes almost a favorite target of some people and ways of criticism become almost formulaic and byzantine.
I’d like to share one extract from a piece of “fanmail” I received recently just to illustrate that for you, as you ponder beginning your lightwork or are in the early phases of it. This is just one of many emails I receive each day. No matter how thick your skin, and mine is not particularly thick, it can become wearing. I recall hearing David Wilcock speak on the same theme perhaps a year or two ago.
The language may offend you so viewer discretion is advised. I’m hoping you can imagine how you’d feel receiving “fanmail” like this – and as lightworkers you may.
You’re a fucking moron.
More….you’re insane, and you need to be locked up for the sake of humanity.
Don’t you realise that ALL channelled information comes from the Velon (aka Annunaki)?
Every time you give credence to their information, you invite them into the consciousness of humanity. Their agenda is the same one that the Illuminati pawns are programmed to follow….. the total domination of humankind.
The so-called Galactic Federation is a Velon front, as are ALL messages associated with such a faux organisation.
You are doing untold damage to the Human Plan with your incessant reliance on the external saviourship model of experience.
The Human Plan is to re-integrate the whole of the soul into the human body.
The “fifth dimension” is another Velon hoax, as is the idea of ascension.
We are NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!
We are remaining right here on this planet, and incorporating the whole of the soul into the body……at least, those who are awake will do so………which category excludes idiots like you.
Any notion of going elsewhere, or being rescued by external forces, is ALL VELON PROPAGANDA.
Wake the fuck up, you imbecile.
This gentleman’s email address – I cannot conceive of a woman writing this – implies that he enjoys balance and harmony.
How this man can claim to know “the Human Plan” when he writes from a position of such animosity and generalized ignorance I cannot say. And why he continues to read this site is beyond me.
I guess I can’t also pass by the observation that the statement that “the Human Plan is to re-integrate the whole of the soul into the human body” makes no sense to me. The soul exists on a much, much higher level than the human body, is immortal, has no physical contact with the body, etc. What it could conceivably mean for the soul to “re-integrate” into the human body utterly escapes me. In fact it strikes me as gobbledy-gook.
Nevertheless, the first circumstance you may encounter in your lightwork, that presents a glass ceiling unto itself and can be wearing, is the really acrid criticism you may receive, from perfect strangers and even former colleagues. Some people seem to write merely to make a name for themselves by challenging someone they consider to be a leader. Others seem to be just venting spleen.
But receiving criticism is only one side of the challenge. The other side is that your room to respond to it or even experience through to completion the almost inevitable impact of such steady fare on you – the more so the more sensitive you are – shrinks as time goes on.
You suddenly find yourself under a microscope from all sources. The path becomes straiter and narrower with every passing year, in case there are any out there who think it becomes broader and easier. The forgiveness grows less and less as the extent of attention and the demand for integrity increases.
Remember that you may not think you signed up for this, at least not consciously. And it does no good to protest. This is also a part of your unwritten service contract.
And there is much more, none of which you probably considered when you began.
Few lightworkers sign up hoping to “succeed.” Most sign up, it seems to me, from a desire to serve. If you actually signed up hoping to “succeed,” then, no offense intended, but I’m not writing for you. You’re not my target or intended audience.
Tomorrow I’d like to continue with our discussion, considering next the trial that comes about when one person places another on a pedestal. The wearing impact of criticism is only one half of the puzzle; the peril that being placed on a pedestal – though the complete opposite of criticism – is another.
Please realize that it takes about as much courage to write what I’m saying here as I can possibly muster. I certainly don’t make these observations as something that brings me joy or delight. But they are necessary to consider in lightwork.
In my opinion, someone has to say it. David did a while ago. Considering the barriers and the upsets that “success” presents is something one should do, I feel, as early in their lightwork as possible.
(Continued in Part 2/2)