A Whole New World
At first glance, conditions in the world today would seem to confirm the doomsday predictions proliferating throughout the media. “Unprecedented” is a word we hear used for everything from extreme weather to international upheavals. From the state of the middle class to the greed of the rich. From scientific discoveries to innovative communities coming together to create a new world.
Considering all the mayhem it would be easy think that 2012 spells our demise. We are seeing a world in transformation and many of us are struggling to navigate our way through the storm. Even lightworkers who have devoted their lives to self-development and service are finding the times to be, well, unprecedented.
After the surge of light that sparked the planet during the election of President Obama and the subsequent efforts by the opposition to quash it, for me, the battle was on and it’s been a roller-coaster ride ever since. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for … struck a chord and I knew that things would never be the same. The page had turned.
Suddenly, I couldn’t rely on old structures for support as they didn’t make sense anymore. Systems and perspectives long held were shifting, no longer fixed & reliable. Long-time relationships ended and new, unexpected ones began. My moods took on a life of their own and there were moments where I’d burst into tears for no apparent reason as well as moments of irrepressible joy without apparent cause.
Indeed, I wondered if I was losing my mind. But what I found in these moments when my foundation was cracked and crumbling beneath my feet was the spark of life buried in the rubble. A distant memory coming to the fore, the layers between us dissolving. Re-membering. I was forced to trust mySelf to stop dabbling and make a decision. The choice became clear. I wondered how I could’ve missed it. So simple. It all boiled down to one question: What am I bringing to the collective mix — love or fear?
My contribution to the collective consciousness was illuminated, highlighting issues deep within me, many I thought I had dealt with. More I didn’t even know I had. Down, down, down into the id I went, calling on my guides and angels to support me and not let me fall. So precarious were my emotions at times I questioned for the first time in my life my ability to prevail. But I never did fall. Last minute rescues and synchronistic messages appeared more and more. As I settled in to trust I would look back and realize that none of my worries panned out.
Masters and teachers and “regular” folks delivering resonant missives flowed into my space. I’d ask and receive sometimes within seconds. Abraham, Doreen Virtue & Hay House, SaluSa, Gerald O’Donnell, and many more … a symphony of wisdom, things I’d known a long time ago but had forgotten during my walk through the illusion. Light flooding the cosmos illuminated all shadow and knowing wasn’t enough. I wanted to be the change. To actually embody this knowing, I realized, would require that I face the patterns and conditionings that had formed during this eons-old walk. A task I quickly learned was no small one.
True Self-Discovery is a Beeyotch
Remember the scene in The Devil’s Advocate where the beautiful Italian marble wall in the Devil’s (Al Pacino) office, is revealed as a writhing pit of decadence and despair? That’s what comes to mind when I think of those early efforts to access my subconscious and clear the crap. I understand better now the reluctance for many to do it. Though I had studied Eastern & African theologies years before, Abraham introduced these concepts to me in a more absorbable way. I could dream my life into being. The nightmare was of my own making.
I initially lapped it up until “real” life challenges tested my resolve. When faced with the end of a marriage, loss of a job and a new mortgage, all in the span of two weeks, the seedlings of my new awareness were battered silly, their fragile roots stretched to the limit. Sleep was erratic. I would meditate for hours a day, striving to keep out of reach of the ever-encroaching blackness. All my crap was in that darkness and facing it threatened to destroy me.
But bit by bit I found the courage to pick my way through the skeletons, through the five stages of grief:
1. Denial – Owning the fact that I created my life, all of it, was a tough pill to swallow. Surely it was the spurious and ill-intentioned who had caused me so much grief? Those whom I had loved who had betrayed me? I could justify the injustices and systemic imbalances that had created this unsatisfying life, right? I spanned through the years, tragic events, relationships. Abraham and others had to be wrong. No way I could have chosen this.
2. Anger – While fury at the injustices that had “happened” to me lashed out, pointing the finger at everyone else, I could never completely ignore those three fingers pointing back. Guilty reminders stopping me dead in my tracks every time I sought causes of suffering outside of myself. The slow recognition of myself as perpetrator led to the next stage:
3. Depression – A dark night of the soul like no other. For a minute I couldn’t see a way out. My mind became too cluttered to meditate so I kept headphones on a lot of the time with guided meditations and uplifting programs. Even though I was experiencing great anxiety I kept reaching for the better thought, as Abraham says, the better feeling. That is not as easy as it sounds. But I persisted through what seemed like a never-ending storm.
4. Bargaining – “I’ll do anything to stop this. Please. I’ll give more to charity. Do more community service. Anything to end this turmoil. Someone tell me what to do!” My pleas weren’t exactly this but there were definitely moments when I wasn’t too proud to beg. Still, putting the onus outside myself. Not wanting to release the small self I had worked so hard to maintain. Not really following clear guidance, giving in to the mental clatter rather than focusing the mind and trusting the answers beneath the noise.
5. Acceptance – Ultimately I came to the realization that my old life was dead. It had served its time and purpose. The natural cycling of seasons. I could forgive myself. Mistakes are only that the lesson not learned. Otherwise, they’re opportunities to get it right. There was new life awaiting if I dared to seek it. If I was willing to trust in the abundant flow that was showing up more and more. I got a glimpse of the possibilities and a wave of hope spurred me on.
Energy and Persistence Conquer All Things
This quote by Benjamin Franklin sums it up for me. Through what seemed like insurmountable obstacles, persistently reaching for the better thought, for authenticity and trust brought me to a place of abundance, self-acceptance and love. Of course the journey continues with new seeds of awareness sprouting everyday. Using our God-given energy to persist in love we can face the monsters and live to tell the tale. Even transform them into beautiful beings of light. It’s what we all signed up for.
Our memories are returning and the truth of who we are can no longer be suppressed. The dark ones have had their time but that season is over. We’ve learned the lessons and welcomed this new day. Through grace we are gifted in joy and transformation is in full force. Clinging to the past is futile and will determine our ease or difficulty.
My experiences lead me to believe that there’s not much for us to do in this Ascension process. The work is to get our minds out of the way and be. Unconditional love starts with self and is key, I feel, to our transformation. We are catalysts of the light energy flowing through the cosmos and Gaia, co-creating reality with our conscious be-ing. Our personal energy fields vibrate out into the collective. The more garbage we dump the lighter we are, the more we can assist in the Ascension with the unprecedented support of the multi-verse. All is well. We are safe.
Beautiful changes are here and now. Feels like transformation to me.