I hope that, when I share how I’m feeling at this moment, others respond that they feel this way too again. Otherwise it’s too embarrassing and dismaying being this vulnerable, feeling as if one is out here on the skinny branches all alone, day after day, in the midst of a maelstrom.
I keep doing it, returning to the task, hoping the situation won’t be so bad today that I simply won’t have to lay down tools, feeling as if I’m hiding when I naturally gravitate towards transparency, wondering if one can be, or should be, transparent while riding the waves up and down, remembering that I’ve taken on the work of interpretation but wondering if I can interpret from this space.
I feel like I’m on an emotional roller-coaster. It’s dizzying. Up and down, up and down. On a moving floor. On a ship at sea.
Another aspect of the situation is like being an emotional pulsar. At one point my energy is normal and then it suddenly drops away to nothing. There is no warning and the drop-off lasts only for a short time and then picks up again. And then my energy drops off again, only to return a short time later.
The fact that there is no warning makes it impossible to predict. That can lead to some pretty awkward social situations.
A few days ago I had a dinner to go to, which I had to call off because the ringing in my ears grew so loud that all I could do was lie down in the face of it. And then a short time later the ringing went back to normal (it never completely disappears) and I can carry on.
Last night, in the course of coming home from dinner out, I was fine and then, boarding the bus, my energy dropped quickly and dramatically off, and then I was fine again, and by the time I walked in the door, I could only slump in my chair. And then fine again and then wiped out.
My neighbor dropped by when I was slumped over, but then a few minutes later I’m typing away, fine again, and then slumped over.
How can I even talk about it, it is such a weird phenomenon? How can I acknowledge going through such strangeness? There is no precedent for it. It falls largely outside anything discussed anywhere in any literature.
“Well, doctor, my energy is fine and then it drops off again and then I’m fine.”
“Well, Steve, what would you like me to do about it?”
“Well, I’m not sure if anything can be done about it.”
“Ok, then why are you here???”
At the same time, so much new information is arising that the occasion fairly begs comment. It’s like riding a train through France and seeing so much new scenery and so many new buildings and yet being so sick one can only watch them without being able to say a word.
For instance, if I wasn’t on this emotional roller-coaster, I would love to comment on what Suzan Carroll’s sources say about crop circles. Here they reveal that one crop circle at least is the representation of a stargate and they tell us how to use that crop circle to project ourselves out of our bodies and into a form that can visit Zantarius, an Arcturian planet. (1)
The crop circle is here:
“OPENING CROP CIRCLE PORTALS
“As we said before, our symbolic language is often shared with Earth via our crop circles. The ‘message’ of the crop circles below, speaks of opening Portals into the higher frequencies of reality.
“First, we ground our higher frequency light and unconditional love into Gaia by ‘writing’ our crop circles on her body of Earth. Then, we leave a message for those who wish to ‘read’ our language with the power of their fifth dimensional imagination. We will now ‘translate’ our message into English.
“This crop circle ‘reads’ that by raising the resonance of light and sound 7 (number for spiritual seeking) times, you can initiate the opening of a fifth dimensional Portal grounded on Gaia by this crop circle.” (2)
This is fantastic. I’ve been asking for informed commentary on crop circles for weeks and now here it is, staring me in my roller-coaster face.
Here is a recent column by Sarah Ince, in which Sarah showed this crop circle and wrote:
“I went into meditation on this crop circle last night and received amazing information and energies. There is MUCH this crop circle has to share, and it is significant. I connected with the code it has within it. Amazing things happened, much healing. A two way conversation with light beings.” (3)
Oh. my, how I’d love to do that too, as soon as the floor stops moving up and down.
So at the very time that I (and possibly you) am being given a great deal of very useful information on how to tap into some pretty amazing things (if true), I am maximally “off my game.”
The Arcturians, in the same article as the crop circle picture appears, offer a partial explanation of what is happening energetically. They say:
“Having the courage to be your true, Multidimensional SELF while living on a third-dimensional planet can create a constant sense of fatigue because your consciousness is vibrating at a higher frequency than your earth vessel.” (4)
This “sense of fatigue” may be the rapid drop in energy that I described.
So it is frustrating that so much is happening and yet my energies (perhaps yours as well) are fluctuating so dramatically and unpredictably. I feel very embarrassed even discussing it. I may have to simply post other people’s articles until the floor stops undulating.
I can only imagine that this may be our lot at many other points as well until some resolution occurs – perhaps the resolution that the Arcturians suggest where we move from being identified with 3D reality and spending a limited amount of time in 5D consciousness to being identified with 5D reality and spending a limited amount of time in 3D consciousness.
Of this dilemma they say:
“Furthermore, when your consciousness is resonating to the fifth dimension and beyond it is difficult to remain focused on the mundane chores of your physical life. Hence, you must constantly adjust and re-adjust your consciousness to remain in the third dimensional world of your current service. …
“As you travel back and forth between the fifth and the third dimension, you find that you are actually living in-between these two worlds. Your consciousness now resonates to the fifth dimension while your earth vessel remains physical. Because of your inter-dimensional travels, you feel vast changes within you that you cannot understand. You are having trouble remaining fully consciousness in the third dimension, but you cannot stay focused in the fifth dimension either. …
“More and more you are thinking fifth dimensionally, which leaves your third dimensional thoughts limiting and sluggish in your mind. …
“As you remember to live in Unity with all life, your consciousness becomes more and more firmly implanted into the fifth dimension. Then, instead of living in the third dimension and visiting the fifth, you will be living in the fifth dimension and visiting the third.” (5)
Indeed, that says it all. How fortuitous to be reading this column even as I’m living what it talks about.
So life these days is an unpredictable roller-coaster ride, full of strangeness and unflattering circumstances, disorienting, discombobulating, even while it calls upon me (and perhaps you) to exercise maximal good sense and discrimination.
I want to run away and hide. But I have a job to do.
If my act is “looking good,” I could not possibly succeed right now! I have to drop the desire to look good. It has to be OK with me that I have the emotional equivalent of dishevelled hair or I won’t make it through these times in one piece or even many pieces.
Hopefully this is the winter of our discontent, the worst it gets. I’m not getting off the roller coaster, but I’d like to carry on with some semblance of normality.
(1) Suzan Carroll, “Opening Portals – I,” at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2010/10/11/suzan-carroll-opening-portals-i/
(2) Loc. cit.
(3) Sarah Ince, “Crop Circle to Heal the DNA,” Pure Gaia, at http://ascensionstargate.webs.com/
(4) Suzan Carroll, ibid.
(5) Loc. cit.